Mediating Solutions

That Internal Argument

2012-01-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

Do you find yourself engaging in internal arguments? The kind that runs through your head as you’re trying to relax or interrupts what might otherwise be mental quiet time? With January being a time for resolutions – perhaps one healthy resolution to consider is letting go of those unhealthy internal conversations.

While these battles in our mind may serve a purpose - by helping us to think things through or by providing an outlet for our frustrations - they often do so at a cost. Such arguments often signal our inability to move past a problem or conflict. And, as the conflict repeats in your head, lingers, and remains unresolved, it actually damages the relationship you were most likely hoping to preserve.

The alternative - bringing up the conversation with that person whom you are arguing - sounds daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are 5 steps to making that conversation safe and productive.

1. Forewarn – Tell the person (you’re in mental conflict with) that you need to talk about a past issue that’s been playing on your mind. Let them know this a conversation to bring about a better understanding – not to find fault. At this point, don’t elaborate on any details. If the timing isn’t appropriate, make a plan for when you will both have time to talk.

2. Agree on Basic Rules – Set simple rules by starting on one’s they will like to hear. For example, no blaming. Other good rules to follow are: no interrupting, ask questions only when the other is done speaking, and stay on the subject (avoid bringing up other issues).

3. Take Responsibility – Explain the issue and why it is important to you that it be discussed. Remember they may not have thought about it at all. It may be helpful to explain your feelings (eg: frustrated, misunderstood, angry) as a way to demonstrate the importance of the discussion, but be careful not to use this as a way to place blame.

4. Share Points of View – At this point it is appropriate to dive into the details of the issue, but remember most of what you will need to discuss is not facts, but your perspective. Take the time to share the nuances of why the situation upset or hurt you – and why it continues to sit with you. Have this become a discussion where they also share their thoughts and point of view.

5. Determine Outcomes – As you listen to each other’s perspective, you will work toward developing a shared understanding of what happened, and what if anything, should be handled differently in the future. Discuss these until you are both comfortable that you have reached a new understanding. Close the conversation by thanking the other person for being open to the discussion, for listening, and for helping you to clear your mind of the situation.

Office Politics

2012-01-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

Office politics may be something we all talk about – but in an election year, the expression takes on a whole new meaning. As a behavior brought about by those who seek power and influence, consider the potential for staff in your organization to desire the power and influence to see their party or candidate take office come Election Day.

Hot-button issues like the economy, unemployment, and healthcare are hitting-home and leading people to become more opinionated and more entrenched in their beliefs. Friendly conversation about current events can quickly turn into heated debate. Repeat interactions may lead some to feel pushed, challenged, or bullied. It is these office politics that threaten to derail your business as they undermine morale, hinder teamwork, damage productivity, and may also lead to more troubling (and potentially litigious) behaviors – all of which are sure to linger beyond Election Day.

The best strategy for keeping these office politics at bay is to get in front of them and plan ahead.

Steps to Take

1 – Review your company policy on social or political behavior. This may also overlap with policies on diversity. Are there policies addressing the use the display or demonstration of affiliations, etc.?

2 – Determine what will be acceptable company behavior. Some thoughts to consider:

If friendly debate/conversation is allowed, is it limited to lunch and break rooms?
Can a person post their affiliation in their office/cubicle?
Is staff allowed to congregate or campaign on company grounds?
How does title/role play a part in determining what a person can/cannot say?

3 – Consult with your company attorney. While 1^st Amendment Rights were created to establish political freedom, the workplace is not public property and therefore is not the appropriate forum for enacting those rights.

4 – Talk with your staff. Be sure all staff know the position of the company regarding these behaviors, and how they may address any concerns which still arise. Be clear about rules and consequences.

5 – Be Consistent. Nothing is more troubling or will lead to more discord than allowing some individuals to express their beliefs freely while others are held accountable. This is especially true if the rules seem to favor a certain individual, a particular rank within the company, or a given political party.

Occupy# - An Opportunity for Business

2011-11-02T12:17:00.000-07:00

The Occupy# movement which is growing throughout our cities has implications that stretch beyond the obvious. This movement is not just about the unemployed and underemployed, but

about the concerns all Americans are having about the future of our country. It isn’t just about Wall Street and big-government decision making, but stretches to concerns about Main Street and organizational leadership.
Through these stressful times business owners and leaders are gaining the unique opportunity to stand out from that cynicism and negativity, and to come forward as a company that cares.

What Steps Can Business Leaders Take?

Executive compensation – I read a recent report from the Economic Policy Institute that said in 1965 the average CEO was paid 24x what the average employee received. In recent years that number has been as high as 300x that amount. This disparity is unacceptable to many.
While some would argue that talent retention requires competitive income, I would suggest that retention comes instead from a person’s respect for a company’s core qualities including its values, the products or services it provides, and its customer’s or clients. Financial compensation only becomes of primary importance when one or more of those core qualities are missing.
Rather than keeping up with the Jones’ in CEO compensation, reconsider what would be an acceptable income and make that change. As an added boost to your image, make the change public. Rather than hiding this scaling back, challenge other organizations to follow your lead.
If this idea strikes a cord with you, and you think that in a competitive marketplace that it is not possible, look for an up-coming article I am writing which elaborates on the subject.

Political contributions – Let’s face it, Google has made research nearly effortless. So while you may be focusing your online attention to SEO and social networking, some may be Googling you for different reasons. If you are making notable contributions to either party, or to lobbyist or other groups, be aware of the potential message this sends out. Your affiliations, once known, affect the perception of both your employees and your customers. What can you do? If you donate money or resources, consider doing it as a personal rather than a business contribution. Where possible, be open to addressing any controversy by putting the topic on the table for discussion and explain your point of view. Most importantly, be aware of the impact this may have on your image and act accordingly.

Flexibility and Understanding – Those same financial pressures are affecting both your employees bottom-line and that of your business. Sure you can’t give bonuses this year. But you can find creative ways to show you appreciate your staff and care about them. In lieu of bonuses perhaps allow an extra day off, a more flexible work schedule (holiday or year-round), even encourage them to organize an in-house secret-Santa to celebrate the holidays. These small efforts will pay long dividends as your team of employee’s feels you understand and care about them.

Creating a workforce that is happy, cohesive, and dedicated to the success of your business is the goal of any leader. Demonstrating you care about them and their concerns is just one important step. If your team is not exactly where you’d like them to be, we’d like to help you get there.

Surviving Holiday Conflict

2011-11-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

If you find that 'the most wonderful time of the year’ is instead filled with tension, you’re not alone. Conflict often comes from difficulties associated with negotiating time spent among loved ones and over concerns of past conflicts re-igniting or new ones emerging. Add in a little too much "merry-making" and issues of addiction and inappropriate behavior can sneak up on you, too. While stressful on their own, these events are then co-mingled with what are supposed to be joyous and happy celebrations, often making survival the real goal of the holiday season.

Here are some suggestions for handling these difficult situations – and getting through this year’s holiday season - unscathed.

1. Identify the Problem – Are you concerned about cutting short your time with an ailing relative? Do you worry about the impact of Uncle Bob’s drinking on your teenage kids? Is your sister always dragging you back into childhood conflicts? Whatever is causing you anticipatory stress needs to be revealed for healing to take place.
2. Have a Plan – Think through your situation, and decide what is best for you over the holidays. If you have a spouse or child, consider their interests as well. Then talk about it with someone you trust to give you feedback and support. While your ideal solution may be impractical or overly selfish, it helps to start out by knowing what you want, and identifying what matters most to you. Once you do, making a compromise or stretching your comfort level will have a clear purpose and intent.
3. Expect it – Sure, it seems foolish to worry about something that may not happen, but it’s on your mind anyhow. Avoiding such thoughts leaves you unprepared and caught off guard when the problem comes up. Expecting the problem means having a contingency plan. Perhaps it’s to leave the house if Uncle Bob starts drinking, or to plan to say “I always enjoy seeing you, please let’s not argue” if your sister provokes you. Being prepared will help you to feel happier and more confident leading up to those difficult encounters.
4. Enlist an Ally – Your spouse, or another relative/loved one (who will be with you over the holidays), can prove to be a valuable asset as you navigate difficult waters. Explain to them the problem and your plan for coping with it, and ask for their assistance. Let them know if you’d like them to intervene, come to your defense, or simply provide moral support.
5. Share Your Decisions – Often conflict occurs because a person’s actions or behaviors are surprising and misunderstood. To prevent your self-preservation strategy from causing new issues, keep others informed of the decisions you make. Let your Mother know why you’ll be spending a disproportionate amount of time with your in-laws this year. Tell the host/hostess that you plan to leave if Uncle Bob starts drinking or your sister becomes unrelenting in her conversations with you. By letting others know your boundaries, you help them to honor them.

We hope these ideas help, and that your holiday season is a whole lot brighter as a result. Happy Holidays!

My Favorite Gift Ideas

2011-11-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

Holiday gift giving is often stressful. Whether it's finding that individually perfect gift for each person on your list, the challenge of heading to an overcrowded mall, or the strain on your pocketbook, gift-giving can often feel less than joyful.

An idea that I always enjoy - is the handmade or homemade gift. Whether I'm the recipient of someone's thoughtful efforts,

or the gift giver, there is a special feeling that goes along with giving or getting a gift that is born out of a person's creativity and efforts.

It seems the most difficult part in offering such a thoughtful gift is simply in thinking of something to make.

Here are some ideas of homemade and handmade gifts that might work for you:
1. Cookies, candies, breads, or other baked goods
2. Recipe in a jar (good for baked goods, chili, soup, etc.)
3. Artistic project - A painting, stained glass, wood-working, etc.
4. A framed (enlarged) photograph that you have taken
5. Knit or sewn items
6. Create a scrapbook or photo album
7. Create a recipe book (with a treasured recipe or two inside!)
8. Jewelry
9. Compilation CD of their favorite tunes
10. Compilation DVD of cherished memories caught on video
11. Gift of skill or time (gardening, babysitting, organizing)
12. Promise a "date" - (cook a special meal to enjoy with them)

There are so many more ideas than I can think of. I encourage readers of this entry to add their own as comments below so that we can all benefit from the ideas and creativity of others!

Happy Gift-Making!

Why You Should Look Outside the (Company) Box

2011-09-05T10:13:00.000-07:00

As a specialist in interpersonal workplace relations I often see dismay in the faces of Business owners, senior executives, HR managers, and the like when they engage with me to provide services for their organization. They express frustration, anger, or even shame as they share detailed information about the conflict or problem which is occurring, and their unsuccessful efforts to remedy it thus far. What they rarely seem to recognize however, is that their struggle may stem more from their proximity than their competency.

Consider the following advantages of being a consultant:

Objectivity - As an outsider to the company, a consultant has an unclouded perspective of the conflict or problem, and the people involved. Simply sharing this unbiased and unique viewpoint can begin to pave the way toward clearer solutions.

Neutrality – As both a function of their role as Mediator, and as a person not otherwise involved with the company or its employees, an outside consultant is recognized as being neutral to the conflict. This allows each side to believe that the process and any resolution will be fair.

Confidentiality – Staff experiencing conflict can feel assured that their issues are not going to be shared in the lunchroom, now or ever. More to the point, any shame, embarrassment, or fear they may feel in connection with their dispute can more easily be managed as the person who has this knowledge isn’t down the hall or socializing with their coworkers.

Availability of time – With the goal of getting to the root of the conflict, it is imperative that time is taken to allow staff to open-up completely and to fully discuss the issues that are occurring between them. Time constraints only serve to undermine this goal, and in-house helpers (managers, executives, HR) are simply unable to devote unrestricted time to these efforts.
Beyond those initial advantages, are other benefits which tip the scales in favor of change being possible:

Trust – Fear is the biggest impediment to honesty. By bringing in an outside expert and allowing for confidentiality, you demonstrate to your staff that they are valued and that you also place great importance on their resolving the issue. This dispels fear, and allows staff to feel safe when they open up.

Subject-Matter Expertise – Beyond the challenges of gaining trust and carving out time to resolve interpersonal issues, is the importance of having the right skills to bring the conflict to positive resolution. Placed in the wrong hands, even well-intended efforts may yield greater problems like increased tensions, unwanted turnover, or worse. A capable and expert consultant, can address even the most sensitive of issues in a way that promotes understanding, improves cohesion and creates better workplace relations.

When the Financial Crisis Affects Your Family

2011-08-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Financial woes have stretched to affect and impact everyone, including your kids. Whether you’re telling your 7 year old that he can’t have a new PlayStation, your pre-teen that a Smart-Phone isn’t an option, or your 17 year old that her favorite college is financially out of reach, the message is the same, we can’t afford it. Helping your kids to adjust to financial challenges isn’t easy – here are a few guidelines to help you through it:

1. It’s going to be OK. It’s important to start any conversation about change by providing a sense of safety, especially when children are involved. You may want to start your conversation with a simple sentence that covers it all, such as: “Jamie, I need to have an important talk with you about some changes we need to make as a family, everything is OK, but I’m going to need you to help out too”.

2. Get them involved. Just as the ending of the sample sentence above said, giving kids a role in the change allows them to feel some control and to take some personal responsibility. Whenever possible, tell your kids the changes YOU will be making, and then ask them to think of some changes THEY can make. Guide their decision making so that their contributions or sacrifices are genuinely helpful.

3. Recognize their efforts. Let them know how much the reduced allowance or the decreased spending on activities is helping the family. When they can’t participate in a favorite activity due to funds, let them know how much you appreciate it, and try to find ways to reward them.

4. Keep them informed. You began the conversation by saying things will be OK. Now keep them posted. It’s been a few months…are things getting better or worse? Is this change permanent or is it still temporary? By keeping them informed you make them feel safe, and part of the team which is your family.

5. Find the bright side. Instead of going out to the movies, make it a movie rental and with a big batch of popcorn, and maybe invite over a friend (or the dog!) to join you. Instead of going out to dinner, have a “make our own pizza”, or “decorate your own cupcake night”. And lastly,

6. Give yourself a break. These and other family activities may well become favorite activities and cherished memories you and your children will share for years to come. Rather than worry about what they can’t have, remind yourself of the values you are showing them, the love you are giving them, and the lessons you are teaching them.

Boosting Morale by Busting the Summertime Blues

2011-06-28T12:10:00.000-07:00

Summer is full of wonderful things that make us feel good - vacations, warm nights, and plenty of outdoor activities, right? But for many employees and business professionals summer instead becomes a time of added stress.

For those taking a vacation, there’s planning and budgeting, preparing for time away from the office and catching up with missed work. But even those who don’t take time off can experience the vacation blues. Some will lament the reasons they’re unable to travel, others may simply feel the added pressure at work when co-workers are gone and they’re left to pick up the slack.

Regardless of the reasons for the added stress, employer awareness can really pay off. Here are five cool ideas for keeping your employees happy and relaxed during the hot summer months.

1. Half-day Fridays (or late-start Mondays) – Help those staying in-town feel the thrill of a little bonus time during the hot summer months. Whether you do this weekly or just once or twice, your employees will really enjoy the thrill of the added time off.

2. Theme party or pot-luck - This feel-good activity can score big with employees if the executive staff also participate. Having the boss serve you up some of her homemade chili, or seeing a stuffy manager dress up for the Hawaiian luau theme can really help staff feel connected to one another, and to management. You can encourage participation with voting and prizes. (Click here for unique prize ideas)

3. Quiet time – Many people enjoy the quiet of a vacation over activities and outings. Make that possible by creating quiet time moments. Have planned dates or times when phones and email will be turned off for an hour or two. Encourage staff to read, take a walk, listen to music, or engage in some other quiet (non-work) activity.

4. Games and Contests – Keep staff excited to come to work by hosting games that are NOT tied to work or productivity. One fun idea is to hold an Office Olympics. Have staff come up with the various “sporting event” ideas and vote on which ones will be included in the final Olympic event. Enjoyment from this game can last several weeks as unique ideas are developed. Prizes can be given for creativity, teamwork, and for winning a gold medal. For a few other game ideas click here

5. Surprise treats – Half the fun of being on vacation is that wonderful and unexpected things can happen. So bring that into the office. Have a surprise ice cream day. Bring in a professional masseuse (or two) to give everyone a 20 minute massage. Keep the element of surprise by not alerting your staff to the up-coming treat, and by not having them occur on a scheduled basis.

All these ideas have one real purpose – to bring the enjoyment of a vacation into the office. Keep it fun by having the executive team plan the activities, or letting interested staff volunteer to help. Find ways to reward those helpers who go above and beyond in bringing the vacation spirit into the office. Remember, these low cost ideas will pay high dividends in terms of staff morale and loyalty, which in turn will lead to better productivity and decreased turnover. This summer vacation has a win-win for everyone.

The Domestic Dance of Time Management

2011-06-21T12:18:00.000-07:00

My husband and I operate very differently. I am the task master - forever planning, scheduling, and trying to squeeze the most out of any free moment. He is the procrastinator - industrious yet forgetful, and seemingly always putting things off. Yet despite my satisfaction in checking things off my list, I'm the one who is stressed, while he is calm. This is what my friend calls the domestic dance of time management. And funny enough, it seems that most couples share in this yin/yang relationship where opposites somehow attract.

Well, I may just have figured out the simple truth of this relationship conundrum. It boils down to our sense of urgency for getting things done. I live my life with a high sense of urgency, always thinking “What can I get done today?” My husband on the other hand, operates with a low sense of urgency, and carries the mindset of “What must I get done today?” A subtle yet profound difference – Can vs Must - which affects our levels of stress, and our ability to relate to one another.

Realizing this simple difference has liberated me. I now have the context for creating change without feeling guilty or pressured. I can choose to give myself a “must” day and take it easy. Or I can simply realize that what I can get done, and must get done, are not the same. Similarly, I better understand my husband’s relationship with time. So if I’m feeling overwhelmed, I now know to define what “must” get done so that he feels ready to help me without nagging or reminders. With this knowledge we may finally have bridged our time management differences.

While the battle of the sexes will wage on, I hope sharing my new awareness will help you to take one step further in creating peace in your world too.

Best of Luck,
Candice

A Lesson about Anger Management

2011-06-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father was very concerned for his son’s future and thought hard about how he could explain to his son why relationships are so important and controlling his temper is a key factor in this.

After much thought his father gave him a bag full of nails and told him, “Every time you lose your temper, hammer a nail into the back of the fence.” His son did not understand but knew that his father was wise so he agreed.

On the first day that the boy received his bag of nails he ended up driving about 37 nails into the fence. Each day he learned little by little to control his temper. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all.

He was very proud of himself and went to share his good news with his father. His Father was very proud of him and offered a challenge to his son. “Why don’t you pull out a nail everyday that you are able to hold your temper?”

As there were many nails in the fence it took the boy sometime to finally remove the nails from the fence. But eventually that joyous day arrived. He was so pleased with himself and he wanted to share this with his father.

His father was so proud of his son, but he wanted him to understand that holding his temper was more than just being able to add or remove nails from a fence. He took his son’s hand and showed him all the holes that were left from the nails. “As you see my son, this fence will never be the same, the fence is scarred with holes from your temper. Think of these holes as the words you have spoken in anger, the wounds you have left in people’s lives. Words really are like weapons they leave a wound, that does not heal easily. Son, your family and friends will make you smile and encourage you to succeed, they will lend an ear, share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us. Always remember the fence before you speak words of anger.”

You Never Listen to ME!

2011-04-30T19:38:00.000-07:00

How do you get your point across when your spouse (or sibling, friend, parent) won’t listen? When it comes to having differences of opinion, it’s often difficult to get those closest to us to listen and really hear what we are trying to say.

The reason being, when we know others well, we develop a short-hand with them. It feels great when you don’t need to explain yourself, and when your spouse (sibling, friend, etc.) seems to just “get” you. But it feels lousy when you are on opposite sides of an issue, and they jump to conclusions, or won’t even hear your argument on a subject. What can you do?

It’s very important to have ground rules for discussing difficult issues. It provides both sides with a road map that promotes listening and understanding, while creating shared decision making and planning. Here are some basic ground rules to try:

1. One person gets the floor at a time. S/he explains his point of view, rationale, supporting details, etc.
2. No interruptions – This means no dissenting comments, and whoever has the floor is the only one sharing information or opinions.
3. Clarify - After each person is done speaking, the listener must ask questions to clarify what was heard. The purpose here is to assure both sides that the listener understands the perspective of the speaker. Creating clarity may become a large part of the discussion.
4. Confirm – The listener needs to sum up what s/he understood to be the point of view or rationale of the other side. If the listener doesn’t understand, return to step 3.

These four ground rules are to be used for hearing each side to a story. Sometimes hearing only one side seems sufficient as it changes the thoughts of the other side, but take advantage of the moment and find out what the other party was upset about or uncomfortable with in the first place. By determining where the initial misunderstanding or disagreement came from, you can prevent future disagreements from arising. And create an even stronger short-hand with this person as a result.

When is it Time to Intervene?

2011-04-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

Conflict at work has left you wondering...
• Can the parties work it out themselves?
• Can you as HR, their boss, or co-worker assist them?
• Is outside intervention your best option?

Some conflict is normal. And people who work together will periodically experience frustration and tension with their co-workers, colleagues, and partners. But when things escalate, or simply persist – never reaching a point of resolution, it’s time to take action.

So the question becomes:
• How do you know when the problems between two individuals (or a team) have gone too far?
• How can you assess if it’s time to intervene or bring in outside help?
• What should you do if only one person deems the issue to be a problem?

To best answer those queries, you need to go to the source. We’ve developed three straightforward questions for the involved

parties to answer with respect to their feelings about the person(s) with whom they are experiencing conflict or tension. We recommend these questions be asked confidentially. The responses you receive will paint a clear picture of the depth of the
problem, and the most likely path to take for creating solutions.

1. How do you feel about working with this individual(s)?
a. Good. We get along fine
b. Manageable. It could be better, but things are stable
c. Bad. Things need to improve soon
d. Miserable. I do not like working with this individual

2. What is your trust level with this individual(s)?
a. High. I trust this individual and can rely on him/her/them
b. Moderate. I trust this person(s) about the same as I trust most others
c. Low. I do not trust this person and often feel the need to watch him/her
d. Extremely low. I cannot trust or rely on this person

3. How confident are you that you can resolve the issue on your own?
a. I am certain I can resolve this issue favorably – and plan to do so.
b. I believe I can resolve this issue favorably, but am not sure yet
c. I have given up trying to resolve this issue
d. This issue cannot be resolved

The following two questions are directed toward the “helper” in this situation. This may be a member of Human Resources, a Manager, an Executive, or an Owner.

4. How confident are you that you can bring trust back to the desired levels?
a. Very confident – I know I can do it
b. Somewhat confident – I see the possibility
c. Not very confident – So far nothing has worked
d. Not at all confident – Nothing has worked, and probably nothing will

5. How confident are you that things will get better without further intervention?
a. Very confident
b. Somewhat confident
c. Not very confident
d. Not at all confident

With regard to all five questions, any answer of “C” or “D” is an indication of a problem. The more answers in that range – the greater the degree of concern.

Responses to the first two questions are designed to tell you about the breadth of the problem. Question 3 will indicate the ability and willingness of the involved parties to work it out on their own. Don’t be misled by inconsistency between respondents. Even if only one person responds with C’s or D’s, the answers you receive are significant. A one-sided complaint typically identifies that one side is being more honest, is experiencing more pain from the conflict, or is simply more eager to see the interaction improve.

Finally, to determine what level of intervention is appropriate, examine the responses to questions 4 and 5. Here, answers in the C or D range will indicate the need for outside assistance. But don’t despair. When issues are close to us, we often lack the perspective, insight, and objectivity to resolve them ourselves. Investing in an outside consultant can yield phenomenal results and bring about much desired improvement and change.

We have been successful in helping individuals and teams to improve their working relationships and bring things to a level of respect, civility, and at times, even harmony. Please contact us to see if we can help.

Have Tough Information to Share? Think About Telling a Good Joke

2011-03-10T09:07:00.000-08:00

The secret to telling a good joke is in the delivery and the timing. The same can be said for many of the most challenging things we need to communicate. Whether it’s giving feedback, describing a

problem behavior, or telling someone they’ve hurt you, all of these uncomfortable conversations walk the fine line between offering helpful advice, and giving hurtful criticism. The easiest way to control how your message is received is to plan the right delivery.

Begin by setting the stage
Before a comedian begins his routine, he makes sure you’re seated, ready to listen, and hopefully in a good mood (thank you warm-up act). Staging is needed for difficult conversations as well. Rather than ambush the message recipient, make an appointment with him/her to talk, and give the gist of what you want to talk about. You might say, “Bob, I’d like to talk to you about that project that’s behind schedule, when do you have time this week to meet?” This allows the other person to be in the right mental state when you do sit down to meet, and keeps them (or you) from being caught off guard by an impromptu discussion.

Have the right intentions
A comedian wants you to laugh and have a good time – but that doesn’t keep him from saying things that may cross the line. When delivering difficult information, make sure your intentions are pure and are kind. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Believe s/he didn’t intend a problem, or know what they did was hurtful. Have the mindset that your purpose is to build their awareness or help them to change.

Tell the story
A comedian doesn’t start with the punch-line, he builds up to it. By telling a story, he helps you to see things from his perspective, and therefore creates a stronger impact. The same is true when giving difficult information or feedback. Don’t drop it like a bomb and expect a favorable response. Similarly, don’t expect the other person to talk first. Do you laugh before you hear the joke? You are bringing the problem forward, so it is your responsibility to explain it to the other person. Tell the story. Explain the problem with your observations and from your point of view. Help the other person come alongside you and recognize why you are bringing this to their attention.

Wait for the response
Have you ever noticed how a comedian pauses to give the audience a chance to laugh? In giving difficult news, you should expect a response from the listener. Welcome it. Ask for it. Pause for it. Until the other person responds, you won’t know if the message was understood or accepted.

Delivering difficult information is never funny - however it can be productive, even positive, if you handle it like a pro.

Five Indicators of Great Teams

2011-01-03T11:26:00.000-08:00

Have you read Patrick Lencioni’s best-seller The Five Dysfunctions of a Team? I find it to be a terrific guide for creating great leadership, teamwork, and group cohesion, but I also imagine where the most doubts are raised. Below are some of the more controversial behaviors that Lencioni encourages – along with my brief explanation about its purpose, value and importance.

1. Team members are passionate and unguarded in their discussion of issues.
We think we want and encourage this, but how often do your meetings instead involve polite exchanges, quiet attention, and cautious questioning? A truly provocative and open discussion makes it possible to learn about problems, ask for details, offer ideas, and present challenges. All of which ultimately improve decision making and problem resolution. If your meetings are ruled by polite behavior, chances are your team is not fully engaged.

2. Morale is significantly affected by the failure to achieve team goals.
High-morale is the workplace equivalent of high self –esteem. In neither arena can the sense of worth be given. Morale must be achieved. While we want our teams to experience high morale – lowered morale due to problems or failures is not only normal, but healthy. It pushes teams to work harder to create a successful outcome. Morale is affected by our sense of purpose and remains high when we feel we are on the right path and making progress.

3. Team members are deeply concerned about the prospect of letting down their peers.
Consider this as a healthy form of peer pressure. When staff feels compelled to prove themselves to their team, they work harder to achieve. This sense of connectivity and interpersonal responsibility also lends itself to a shared appreciation for the efforts and attention each person puts into the project, ultimately creating a stronger and more cohesive team.

4. Team members know about one another’s personal lives and are comfortable discussing them.
First, a disclaimer for those concerned about HIPAA and other legislative mandates: The openness this refers to is not artificial or required, but occurs naturally and is an indication of trust and respect.
The healthiest of teams are aware of each others’ strengths and weaknesses – both within and beyond the office setting. They share important details about an ailing parent, a health condition, or even a pending adoption. Through sharing they create an otherwise unattainable level of understanding, allowing them to graciously pitch in or ask for help when a personal challenge interferes with their professional efforts.

5. Team members challenge one another about their plans and approaches.
While many teams have members who operate with “Mind your own business” independence, truly successful teams have members who welcome the broader attention of the group. Such teams are apt to consider divergent points of view, and to expect discussion before decision making. The result is clear - Mistakes are often avoided, good plans become better, and all participants become active stakeholders in the decision making process.

Creating healthy teams takes time. Developing trust and a willingness to engage in constructive conflict and communication are important steps along that path.

Teamwork - the Holy Grail?

2010-11-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

Is finding the right combination of people a bit like searching for the Holy Grail when attempting to create strong and productive teams? Does there always seem to be one misfit or a pair of individuals who just can't get along?

Whether it's a team of two, or a group of twenty, establishing cohesiveness among team members is a vital, yet elusive, component for success. Teams cannot be forced or artificially created.

So what's the answer? Rather than attempting to create perfection from the outset, or directing people to "work as a team", when clearly they cannot, instead develop naturally positive and constructive teams by removing the hurdles that preclude their success.

Let's Define the Essential Attributes for Team Success:

Fairness - This is achieved when all the participants of a team perceive that the task is being handled fairly, and that their required contributions are reasonable and appropriate. On a team, fairness yields cooperation.

Responsibility - Each member of the team takes charge of his own role in the project. Staff knows what they are responsible to do, and make the necessary choices and decisions to be sure that their part of the project is aptly carried out. You'll know this is missing when staff pass the buck or make decisions that damage or undermine other elements of the project (or the company).

Reliability - Here every member of the team recognizes that s/he can depend on the rest of the group. Personal accountability is increased as each makes sure her part of the project is done correctly and completely so as not to let other members of the team down.

Honesty - Mistakes happen and things go awry, but knowing that others will be honest at all times makes the challenge of dealing with these unknowns less daunting. When others are up front, team members have the freedom to focus on their task at hand, rather than fear what they don't know. A fearless team can accomplish great things.

While these four components are necessary for authentic teamwork to emerge, a fifth element deserves mention, and that is TRUST. As in any relationship, trust is attained over time. When staff has experienced the other four attributes being religiously followed, trust will naturally take form.

While excellent teams will evolve as FAIRNESS, RESPONSIBILITY, RELIABILITY AND HONESTY are exhibited; it is TRUST that catapults teams into an unbreakable cycle of success.

The first step to unleashing the true potential of your team? Find out what's holding them back.

Top 5 Challenges Impacting Teamwork

2010-09-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

A healthy and positive working team is at the heart of most successful projects. Creating such a team begins with the individual well versed in the art of building relationships, and who understands the value of each team member.

But winning teams also face challenges. Being aware of the most common issues hindering teamwork and damaging positive working relations is a vital component of effective team management.

To get you started, we have identified the Top 5 Challenges Impacting Teamwork and putting a business at risk:

1. Changes in Staff (down-sizing) - When layoffs or turnover lead to the down-sizing of staff the impact is felt by all those who would otherwise "team" with those lost individuals. Staff not only experience a heavier workload, but may be asked to take on more responsibilities. They will have to re-establish their way of getting the job done, while suffering the loss of any friendships they've built.
Creating a sense of teamwork is an essential step to rebuilding the strength of the team.

2. Changes in Staff (hiring) - Not unlike down-sizing, adding to the team frequently causes employees to experience diminished teamwork. Adjusting to new personalities is only the start. Changes in responsibility if tasks are re-assigned and the inevitable concerns of being replaced may lead to lower levels of cooperation and create challenges for maintaining business functionality. As new lines are drawn, staff must adapt to the changes in their team.

3. New Project - A new project requires that the right group of people, with the right body of knowledge and the right amount of direction are working in harmony together. With such tenuous factors at play, how well the team functions is both a measurement of their individual strengths and their interpersonal compatibility. If flaws in their relationships emerge, teamwork issues will undermine the success of the project.

4. New Business Partnership/Alliance - Much like a new project, establishing an alliance or partnership necessitates the forming of a new team, but with the added challenge of assembling participants together who have independent goals or purposes. Creating a healthy level of cooperation and collaboration requires that participants establish deep levels of trust prior to beginning their joint venture.

5. Team Alignment - The most common struggle with teamwork comes not from change or upheaval, but from the routine problems that have yet to be addressed or which have proved difficult to resolve. Issues with team alignment can be recognized by the ineffective staff meetings, the department with a divided staff, and by the team members who point fingers of blame when a deadline is missed or a project goes awry. A cohesive and united team is distinguished by their natural level of cooperation, collegial attitude towards other members of their team, and by their ability to reach goals and meet deadlines.

As with any relationship, maintaining a healthy team is an on-going activity.

When working with teams, you don't get to check a box and say you're done or walk away once you've re-established a level of stability. You can however enjoy the benefits of your effort. By addressing teamwork issues you will notice staff become happier and more cooperative; turnover and complaints become minimized; and productivity and growth, which had been hampered by these issues, can finally be maximized.

Top 5 Situations where Intervention is Necessary

2010-07-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

As a business owner or Human Resources professional, you're aware of employee tensions and occasional outbursts of anger or frustration. They're common to the workplace. And things usually settle down in a day or two. But sometimes they don't. Sometimes things get worse, or even spiral unexpectedly out of control. How can you know which conflicts need your involvement and which can be allowed to resolve themselves?

As a Conflict Resolution professional, I hear these questions quite regularly. Here are the Top 5 Situations where Intervention is Necessary, along with a rationale for why it is time to step in.

1. Repeat Complaints
As the most common problem requiring intervention, repeat complaints are also the one most likely to be ignored or given a low level of attention. Why? Complaints between employees are often chalked up to personality differences and viewed as minor or commonplace. Repeat complainers may even become branded as being the problem itself.
The reality: Repeat complaints signal a level of urgency. When a number of people share the complaint, the problem is widespread. If one person is complaining, and running the risk of being labeled as a result, the problem is most likely unbearable for them. In either event, keep in mind that when you hear a complaint, you're only hearing about the tip of the iceberg. There is always more than meets the eye.

2. Unexpected Turnover or Transfer Requests
While turnover issues get noticed, it's typically because the focus shifts to replacing the lost or transferred individuals. HR or Management may rationalize the reasons for departures, or (if the employees have no specific value to the company) they may be unconcerned about the staffing changes. But the key word here is unexpected. Unexpected turnover or transfer requests are usually precipitated by problems or dysfunction within the department or team from which they are occurring.
Waiting to step in and address such issues sends an unfortunate message that either HR/Management doesn't recognize the problem, doesn't know what to do about the problem, or simply doesn't care that the problem exists. In any event, the problem will snowball and more staff will leave, including those you can't afford to lose.

3. Legal Concerns
You learn through the grapevine that an employee is making general threats of legal action. Or, you hear words like "hostile work environment" or "harassment" floating among certain groups. What do you do? Rather than make direct contact with the parties in question, HR or Management typically get in touch with their legal advisor, focus on their departments' record-keeping, and ensure that all requisite training programs, like sexual harassment training, are completed and documented. Their reasons range from disbelief that the problem or threat is significant, concern that addressing the issue will make things worse, or wanting to wait until the affected person approaches or informs them directly. Their duck and cover efforts are not focused on resolving the problem, but on insulating themselves and the company from future damage.
The problem here is that time is being wasted. If the issue is minor, there is no need to perform an audit of all record-keeping; if the issue is serious, any delay means you are losing the opportunity to minimize damages or nip the potential problem in the bud.

4. Arguments or Tensions are Intensifying or Never-Ending
Sometimes HR or Management is aware of a problem, but no one has asked for help and there are no concerns about bullying, harassment, or other workplace violations. The problem is simply chalked up as a "personality difference" between employees. With limited time and resources, such problems are often given little if any attention. However, when these conflicts intensify or are long-lasting it is no longer appropriate for helpers to remain on the sidelines. Whether there are complaints or not, such tensions will lead to increases in turnover, absenteeism, and possibly even violence. And the longer they continue, the worse it will get. While there is no line in the sand to say when it is time to step in based on time or intensity of the problem, it is imperative that you keep such issues on your radar, and have a plan for addressing them when they reach a certain threshold.

5. Tensions among Top-level Staff
Human Resource professionals often hit a brick wall when there are tensions or problems among top-level staff. They see the issue, or feel the impact, but they are unable to create change or resolve the issue. Why? Trying to help those in a power position above you creates its own strife. Add to that the limited authority HR may hold at that level, and the confined level of trust or respect they enjoy when it comes to working with the C-suite executives and owners. It's an impossible situation to contend with. HR may want to help, but are limited and/or fearful in doing so. Regardless of these limitations, it's not OK to wait. Waiting for things to blow-over is a fallacy. Chances are that by the time HR becomes aware of problems at the top, things have already deteriorated. And while things may go into temporary remission, most likely because of the recent exposure to HR or other staff members, anger and grudges do not go away because we ignore them. They fester, grow, and become more explosive and damaging over time. Problems at the top are like an avalanche, and can easily destroy all that lies beneath them.

Getting Them to Be Honest

2010-05-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

People often ask how I get people to tell me things that they won't share with their manager, boss, or Human Resources. Part of my success is certainly that as an outsider, I present much less of a threat to an employee or staff member. Another reason may be an esoteric quality I bring that makes people feel safe. But beyond those intangibles which I cannot help you to acquire, here are six tips for bringing about complete and honest responses from those you desire.

Getting Them to Be Honest

1. Start by trusting them- In an effort to be discrete or to investigate a problem, Managers and HR often withhold their reasons for asking questions of staff. This creates a level of fear and discomfort in the employee, as it says, "Trust me" but not so subtly says, "I don't trust you". If you want your staff to trust you, start by trusting them. Before you begin asking them a list of questions, tell them as much as you can about what you're investigating and why their involvement is important. If you can't give full disclosure, help them to understand the reasons you can't say more.

2. Tell them why it's important - What is obvious to you may be obscured to someone else. If you want to know the truth, make sure the other person understands why you need to know. For example, if you're asking about an employee's work hours you may get resistance or half-truths due to fear that you're investigating claims for over-time. If you explained that due to recent crime in the area you want to create a "buddy-system" where no one leaves the building alone, you would receive a much warmer and more honest response.

3. Address their reasons for holding back
As you share what you can with your staff, address the known reasons they might resist sharing information with you. Step into their shoes. Could they be afraid of retribution? If the information they share leads to termination of another employee, will they benefit or be hurt by that change? Knowing why they would hold back allows you to attend to that resistance, and make them more comfortable in sharing what they know.

4. Confront dishonesty
We can all sense when someone isn't forthcoming or truthful with us. (By that same token, so can they! See tip #1). Confront this directly but respectfully, and avoid making accusations. I address this by saying - "I'm having a hard time believing...." Or "I'm sorry, that doesn't make sense to me". Then I press them to explain the situation better or differently.

5. Remove judgment
In asking for honesty, we're sometimes asking people to be vulnerable to us. When they must admit to a mistake, a lie, a bad decision, or an embarrassing detail, they are much more likely to do so if they feel safe. While you may not always be able to provide confidentiality or protection, you should always be able to offer acceptance and understanding. I find this, when done with complete sincerity, will help almost anyone to tell the truth.

6. Let them know of consequences
Sometimes there are consequences to what someone tells you. They may be in jeopardy, a co-worker or boss could get into trouble. When there is a consequence lingering, tell them what it is before you ask for the truth. The purpose here is not to threaten but to allay fear. Most of us fear the unknown much more than the known; by giving them this information, you help them to decide if they can cope with the aftermath. Sharing information about the consequence also works to establish trust and shows you respect their ability to come forward even in light of an unpleasant outcome.

As you work to establish trust in your workforce, keep in mind that fear is the biggest impediment to honesty. As you succeed in your efforts to dispel fear, you will be rewarded with the trust and honesty you seek.

Communication - Enough is Enough!

2010-03-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

Are you tired of talking about communication? Does it seem endless the number of times that "communication" is to blame for problems between co-workers, from management to employees, within families and between couples? Well I'm here to say
enough is enough. Are you with me?

Good. Now here's what I'm really saying - enough is enough. In other words, as a specialist in communication and conflict resolution, I can tell you that the biggest problems I find in business, among teams, and within families, occurs when one, both or all parties fail to pay attention to whether or not enough information has actually been exchanged. How do you know when this is happening? Read on:

1. You can tell the other person is "giving in" to you - or you are giving in to them.

Often done to avoid an argument or lengthy discussion, this situation occurs when we try to get things done without over-questioning or over-explaining. Things may seem fine as work is getting done and things are being handled. However, the long term result is that the party who "gives in" makes assumptions about the other person and the reason for their requests. They may see him or her as difficult, unreasonable, or even foolish. Over time respect is lost and the relationship is damaged.

2. You unexpectedly get resistance over something - Similar to the situation above, this time the other person isn't giving in, but is in some way pushing back. He/she may be quietly avoiding work that should be done, pushing your buttons by asking questions you see as unnecessary, or repeatedly doing something the "wrong" way. You may feel frustrated or angry with this person's attitude or behavior. Over time this resistance may reach to a level of insubordination and discipline.

3. You find yourself telling the other person to "Just do it" - Perhaps you've learned to expect resistance over a particular request or by a specific individual, so rather than enter into a discussion you give a straight-forward order. You may see this as the fastest way to get from point A to point B, but at what cost? While intended to cut out some of the above problems, this type of communication instead complicates things further. A direct order demonstrates a lack of trust in the recipient's ability to make decisions or think things through. In business this causes employee dissatisfaction and in any situation erodes positive elements of the relationship.

4. You feel the other persons unspoken confusion, annoyance, or frustration - Perhaps you are savvy enough to recognize these signs of resistance, but are you addressing them? Have you truly unveiled the problems that lead to those feelings? Most of the time we take the shortest route for getting something done, and instead of entering into a discussion about the task, request, etc., we respond by allowing one of the three prior scenarios to take hold. Or, we do seek to address the issue, but allow it to be closed even when we aren't sure that the problem has been solved - only that the effort has been made.

In all of these situations, "enough" did not happen. The best of intentions did not lead to the best results. Instead, communication was stilted, incomplete, compromised, or completely ignored.

Quick Tips to Prevent Conflict

2010-01-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

Are you living in a Home Owners Association (HOA)?

Are you familiar with your Associations responsibility to provide IDR - Internal Dispute Resolution?

California Civil Code §1363.830 requires an Association provide a fair, reasonable and expeditious procedure for resolving disputes between the association and its members without charging a fee to the member participating in the process.

This means that any member of an HOA, who has a dispute with the Board, has the right to a conflict resolution process; and the cost must be borne by the Association.

Keep your Association costs down and consensus high by following these 4 Tips to Preventing Conflict:

1. Listen - Part of listening is working toward understanding. As a board member you may be tired of hearing complaints or the same old argument from a homeowner. Rather than tuning the person out, if you keep hearing the same information, ask him/her "What about that is important to you?" or "What am I not understanding about your concern?" You may not always learn something of critical importance, but by making the other person feel heard, you will give them peace of mind that you understand their concern.

2. Restate - Closely tied with listening, restating proves to the other person that clarity and understanding have been achieved. In the absence of this effort, others may view disagreement as misunderstanding - and continue to try to explain their position or concern. Restating does not imply agreement, but comprehension, and works both ways to ensure that communication is clearly articulated and understood. Restating may sound like this, "You're saying that... did I get that right?" Use restating whenever disagreements spark to be sure that the problem isn't simply miscommunication.

3. Make Requests not Demands - The moment you tell someone they 'have to do', or 'aren't allowed to do' something, they resist. It harkens back to our childhood and our desire for independence. We fight back and make emotional, not rational decisions. However, when you request that they do, or not do something, it's a different story. When you make a request, explain your reasons clearly, and ask them to join you. Handling it in this way creates a partnership of sorts, and while it may lead to further discussion, it won't lead to an emotional revolt.

4. Let Them Save Face -Consensus on any issue is hard to achieve, and often decisions will be based on "majority rules". Whether it is one difficult person or a group of homeowners that are unhappy with a decision, be gracious of your "win". Verbally acknowledge that while everyone's wishes were not met, that the decisions made were in the best interests of the Association. Flaunting a win when others are not happy only antagonizes and creates an atmosphere for additional conflict.

Is Therapy Helping?

2009-11-01T11:18:00.000-08:00

IS THERAPY HELPING?

For some, when you've been in therapy for awhile, you wonder if you're really getting the help you need. Ask yourself, have you:

* Been going for months but aren't sure if you've made any progress?
* Arrived at each session wondering what you are going to talk about?
* Lost track of the goals you are targeting?

If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, you're probably not getting what you need out of therapy, and this article is for you.

What to Expect From Therapy

Therapy is Meant to Provide Change

Often people engaged in therapy find their sessions have become a way to vent their troubles and their frustrations. And, many counselors are willing to let their client meander through therapy in this manner rather than focusing on the reasons their client is seeking help. To get focused, ask yourself, why am I going to therapy? What do I need help with? It can be as simple as saying "I'm unhappy", but then the spotlight of your therapy needs to be recapturing what makes you "happy". An hour of complaining may make you feel better temporarily, but commiserating with a friend will often provide that same relief. Therapy is intended to have a deeper and more profound impact by identifying the reasons you are stuck in an unhappy place.

Therapy is More Than an Hour a Week

Most people who meet with their therapist for one hour a week think that they are working on themselves. They are kidding themselves. The truth of the matter is that the hour in session is just the starting point of your therapy. The work of the patient is full-time. When you are not in session, you need to focus on your issues, problems, and goals. Think about what was discussed during the session, and further explore your own issues.

Therapy is Relatively Fast

While each of us has unique problems, and while there is no time-line for getting those problems worked out, the results of therapy should begin to reveal themselves fairly quickly. In my opinion, most patients should see some level of results within their first 5 sessions. Result does not mean improvement - it means you feel change is underway. Your therapist is helping reveal you to yourself (see below), and as a result changing the way you think, and the way you see the world.

Therapy Helps to Reveal Things that are Hidden

There are the things we know, the things we don't know, and the things we don't know that we don't know. That last group would best be referred to as "blind-spots" and we all have them. These blind-spots are the crux of most therapy, as a therapist's role is to guide you and help you to learn about yourself, by uncovering these unknowns. As you do, change comes easy.

What to Expect from Your Therapist

Challenges to Your Thinking and Your Viewpoint

We all think we are normal and believe that the rest of the world views things the same way as we do. Unfortunately, our perspective is skewed by our own individual life experiences. This returns to the concept of "blind-spots". A counselor's role is to discuss both what you think, and why you think it. By examining the distortions within our own reality, we are impacted in the way we view the world and therefore the way that we live.

Being Pushed

Your therapist is not there to be your friend. She must do more than listen and nod her head. If you aren't talking about important topics, she should push you to do so. Ultimately, you therapist role is to help you see yourself more clearly. Does your view of yourself (or the world) match others? Do you see things in a distorted way? A therapist needs to do more than listen. She needs to challenge you to examine your own thought processes.

Homework

As I mentioned before, therapy does not end at the end of your session time. Whether it is described as "homework" or not, you should always leave therapy with new things to explore, new things to think about. A therapist might ask you a question during your session that you can't answer. Something as simple as "Why do you think that way about ...?" If you don't know, finding out is your homework. As soon as you leave the session, before you even drive back to the office or your home, write down that question. Make it a point to think about that question until you have an answer. I recommend doing this "homework" alone - don't cheat by asking others for the answer to your question. Start your next session by discussing this self-revelation with your therapist.

Choosing the Right Therapist (or improving therapy with the one you have now)

Selecting a Therapist

Like choosing a professional in any arena -you should ask some basic questions to get a feel for the person, and to decide if you want to give them a shot. Remember, the ultimate test is how you feel when you begin working with them. It's perfectly acceptable to have one or two sessions with a therapist before you fully commit to working with him. However, you do need to begin your work during those initial sessions - if you don't then you can't judge the ability of that therapist to help you. Remember, you're looking for someone you can trust and who shows insight into your world, you are not looking for your new best friend.

Getting Back on Track with Your Current Therapist

Most of us don't like to start over, and often times there are ways to improve the relationship with your current therapist. For starters, you'll need to speak with her about your desire to make real change. Then clearly and honestly communicate with her about what you want, and perhaps the changes you'd like her to make. If you want her to be more direct with you, say so. If you need to be pushed to open up, tell her. Most therapists will happily make such style changes - after all your success is their success.

Top 6 Teamwork Challenges

2009-09-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

Greetings!

Teamwork affects every business and every employee. It determines turnover and productivity and it defines the functionality of a business. While fundamental to a business' success, teamwork is difficult to harness as it is reliant upon several different factors (and personalities!) working together. Below are the Top 6 teamwork issues that I help businesses to resolve.

1. Planning
When it comes to teamwork, planning includes everything from selecting the team members and identifying their individual tasks and responsibilities, to preparing for the inevitable challenges, problems, and delays that could prevent the team from reaching its success.

2. Leadership
Too often a team becomes unhinged because the focus rests on "management" of the team instead of leadership. Leaders motivate, inspire, and chart a course of action. They acknowledge problems but they don't micromanage the completion of individual tasks.

3. Communication
Arguably the lifeblood of any business or organization, communication is key to teamwork. Basic communication ensures that all members of the team know what they are doing, why they are doing it, as well as when and how to get it done. Other essential elements include communicating about problems with the project, or conflicts on the team. With clear communication problems are discussed and resolved.

4. Goals
Similar to planning, setting goals is an elementary task. However, many businesses lose sight of the importance of including the team in the creation of the goals, instead focusing narrowly on the team's delivery of those goals. A team that is united at the start of the project, will be better able to achieve its objectives on time and on budget.

5. Follow-through
Teams are often undermined by poor follow-through and lack of accountability. To get the most from a team, each member needs to respect his/her own role in reaching the established goals, and each manager or supervisor needs to recognize and reward success, as well as counsel and discipline failure.

6. Crisis (conflict) Management
Throughout the life of any team problems and conflicts will surface. They may be project oriented or revolve around personality differences. Addressing conflicts and crises early on is essential to keeping the team on task and focused, able to reach their goals and achieve success for the team, as well as the business itself.

Uncover Communication Problems

2009-06-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings!

While I am often asked about the most common problems I see in working with businesses, I doubt it will surprise you to learn that most problems stem from issues related to communication. In fact, it is probably a concern in your workplace as well. The challenge then is in identifying what communication issues are creating a problem.

Communication problems stem from a wide variety of issues, with each situation as unique as the persons struggling with it. As a result, uncovering the exact cause of a breakdown and finding the right steps for improving the situation frequently requires the services of an expert.

To help you in your efforts of finding and resolving such problems, I will selectively focus on three of the top underlying issues that lead to a breakdown in communication and damage working and interpersonal relationships.

1. Style of communicating

People who operate in a confrontational or avoidant manner unintentionally create a collapse in communication. Their communication style may actually lead to bullying or overpowering their cohort (confrontational behavior); or in contrast their discomfort in communication may lead to a failure to share vital information or concerns (avoidant behavior). Each style is problematic on its own, but put two persons of opposing styles together and the situation become much more damaging. Adding to the problem, communication styles are deeply ingrained and not easy to change.

2. Hoarding information

Often times people share only a portion of what they know. This may be done to save time or to limit the knowledge of the recipient. This communication malady is usually a top-down problem as it correlates with a desire to maintain power. At a minimum hoarding behavior impacts teamwork and productivity as information and awareness of the "big picture" are compromised. Over time this behavior erodes trust, leading to other costly problems.

3. Rumors and Reputation

Expectations color our behaviors. Therefore a preconceived notion, a history of bad experiences, or other similar circumstances will change the way we view a person. If this is someone with whom we must work and communicate, our beliefs about the other person can easily create a roadblock and affect the business itself. When rumors or reputation are at play the listener often hears more (or less) than the speaker is actually saying. S/he may infer other non-communicated details as well.

By identifying the cause of communication problems, you can begin staging improvements, ultimately creating a happier, healthier, and more productive work environment.

Fostering Positive Workplace Relations

2009-03-01T11:29:00.000-08:00

5 Steps toward Fostering Positive Workplace Relations

With our focus on "New Beginnings", and in light of April being Workplace Conflict Awareness Month, we'd like to draw your attention to the importance of cohesive workplace relations and teamwork.

Below are 5 things you can do to foster positive workplace relations on teams and among co-workers.

1. Encourage Socialization

Research shows that 60-80% of all difficulties in organizations stems from strained relations. With that we know that workplace associations are the single biggest factor in determining effectiveness and productivity at work. Create an environment that fosters positive relations, and the healthy atmosphere will circulate back into the company. To put it simply, you will find that a happy employee is a more productive and loyal employee.

2. Value Proximity

Working closely with someone should be considered in both the literal and figurative forms. Staff and teams who work in direct proximity to one another will communicate more frequently and more openly. This builds trust, rapport, and aids in teamwork and productivity.

3. Manage People, Not Paperwork

A managers most important role is to engage his/her staff and help them to accomplish more by supporting their efforts, addressing their needs, and being involved in their success. A manager who is committed to his/her team makes them stronger and more cohesive.

4. Discuss Discord

Conflict is a natural occurrence and is best addressed early on. Avoiding discussion or interfering with efforts to work it out will cause the conflict to grow and those involved to become further entrenched. Instead encourage discussion and open communication between those at the heart of the issue. Creating understanding builds relationships - regardless of whether or not full agreement is reached.

5. Recognize and Reward

By focusing on the oft-ignored positive behaviors you can build strength of both the individual and the team. Have those achieving the most success discuss and describe how they accomplished their goals and feats. Sharing and discussion provides for mentoring of new skills and may create some healthy competition as well.

Connecting via LinkedIn

2008-12-11T19:57:00.000-08:00

Are you “Linked-In”? I began using the LinkedIn website several months back, but never made full use of its linking abilities. Now, thanks to two savvy colleagues, I am a bit better educated about how it can help me, you, and other “links” to develop our business through this connection.

The most valuable thing I learned about the site was that it can be used to find an expert or a professional in a particular field or industry. By doing a simple search, the database reviews my links (connections) for matches, then goes on to review their links, and so on. The search then yields a list of all those who match the search criteria, and ranks them by how close a “link” they are to me. This makes it much easier to quickly find a reputable and recommended referral.
If you’d like to join my LinkedIn network, please do so!
http://www.linkedin.com/in/candicegottlieb

Help in Handling Downsizing

2008-11-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

Struggling with Downsizing?

Top Shelf Ideas that affect the Bottom Line

The impact of the economy has been intense and many businesses are in the midst of the devastation of down-sizing. Whether the cause was a reduction in demand, lack of revenue, or planning mishaps, the result is the same - layoffs are needed. This unfortunate news is often coupled with challenges in planning, for as most business leaders are focused on managing growth, few are skilled in dealing with a workforce contraction. There are many things to keep in mind when addressing cutbacks in personnel. One of the most important is that a business' ability to survive a downturn and later thrive in any forthcoming growth cycle is reliant upon making the right staffing decisions now.

Know What You Need

Often times, decisions about layoffs are made without sufficient regard and planning for future growth. Businesses that thrive when the economy improves do so by preparing themselves early on. Look at the current need for staff reductions and demand for work output. Will fewer people be conducting the same amount of work? Will staff be expected to fulfill additional or new duties than before? Likewise, consider how the situation will look like if things get worse. Will you still have enough of the "right" people available to pick up the slack? Finally, bear in mind that the staff you select now will be integral to the business' core as you prepare for later growth. Are you selecting the best and the brightest to be that core team?

Keep a Professional Perspective

One of the first and most important things to do is to plan who will be let go. This challenging and unfortunate task should not be made lightly using a simple equation of last hired, first fired. While it is important for staff morale to demonstrate that you value loyalty, following this concept will most likely leave you unprepared. Loyalty often works hand in hand with complacency. Frequently these staffers remain employed because they don't like change and don't make waves. While most employers have a strong number of such employees on staff, these personnel are rarely the standouts as hardest workers, visionaries, idealists, or constructionists - all staff that you will now need to get you through this turbulent time. Similarly, some long-standing workers have acquired a sense of entitlement and may be unwilling to work harder or take on more tasks - issues that will certainly undermine an already shattered workforce.

Stop Making It Personal

In reviewing your staff and determining who will be laid off, use a two columned approach. What does each person bring on a personal level, and what do they bring on a professional level? Keeping separate columns allows you to recognize all the positive and negative elements of the staff person without co-mingling the relative value of each set of skills. Perhaps Mary is warm, caring, and a 10-year veteran on the job - all very positive qualities. But professionally she doesn't meet deadlines, often comes to work late, and has never contributed with new ideas. Compare Mary to Jonas who has been at the company 1½ years. Though he gets along reasonably well with others, personally Jonas is a bit of an odd-ball. Professionally however he shows a lot of promise. He's made two useful suggestions which helped the department, and is always eager for a new challenge. Given these details, an outsider can easily see that Jonas is better suited to help the company through this turbulent time, however emotions and personal connections often make this type of decision incredibly challenging.

Handling the Fall-Out

Making tough decisions is hard, but it's only the first step in this battle. Next, and often much harder, is managing the staff that remains. While business owners and executives have the task of making tough decisions on who to keep and who to let go, it's also the employees who live with these decisions. Staff may feel angry, resentful, and sad as they take on more work without their favorite colleagues. They will likely experience fear and stress at both the increased workload and status of the economy. Some may want to quit in solidarity or otherwise undermine your efforts to create a stable workforce. Helping staff through these troubling times is crucial to the success of your business and will require honesty, communication, and strong leadership.

Top 5 Warning Signs Conflict in the Workplace NEEDS to be Addressed

2008-10-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

Whether it’s 1:1 or a full team that is affected, workplace friction creates a drain on business as it lowers productivity, lessens commitment to the company, and ultimately leads to costly turnover. Here are the Top 5 warning signs that conflict or problems in the workplace NEED to be addressed:

1. Staff gossip and complaints – When these behaviors are on the increase take note. Gripes and complaints become exponentially damaging as staff jumps on board in support of each others issues and concerns.

2. Morale is low – A lack of effort at work, tardiness, absenteeism and problems with cooperation and teamwork are common signs of lowered morale. When morale drops, staff isn’t committed to doing the job well, they’re just collecting a pay check.

3. Client complaints – No one wants to lose a good client, but a good employee can be even more expensive (or impossible if it’s a partner, etc.) to replace. Common mistake here include allowing one or the other to go, or focusing only on the symptoms, such as a failure to return calls.

4. Reluctance to contribute – When staff don’t contribute during meetings it’s a clear sign that they lack the personal investment, trust in leadership or both in working at the company.

5. Staff Request for Help – This obvious sign of a problem is unfortunately often ignored. All too often managers, and sometimes HR, offer a band-aid of a solution, or redirect an employee to ignore an issue or find a way of solving it themselves. Ignoring the obvious, that it’s probably beyond the skill or comfort level of this employee to handle the problem alone, this sends a very negative message to that staff member about his value in the company.

Preventing Panic in the Workplace

2008-09-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

Has the chaos of this economic climate proliferated into your work place? Employees and staff at all levels are experiencing financial panic in conjunction with the unrest on Wall Street and a sense of foreboding about an uncertain political and economic future. These legitimate concerns bring fear and confusion into our personal lives, and lead to issues of lowered morale and productivity in the business world. How can you help your staff put in their best efforts at work when they’re worried about layoffs, house payments, fuel costs, and inflation?

1. Talk to your employees– Communicate with staff about the impact of the current economic issues on your company and on their jobs. While this may sound dangerous, keep in mind that fear is far more damaging than knowledge. Fear immobilizes, while knowledge activates us. If layoffs are inevitable, let your staff know how deep the cuts will be. If cut-backs or staff reductions are only possible, let them know what needs to happen to prevent that outcome.

2. Get them involved – Once staff is aware of the problems that lie ahead, engage them in finding solutions. Some staff may wish to create a think-tank or team to brainstorm solutions; Shy contributors may benefit from an “open-door” policy allowing them to contribute ideas by approaching management/owners directly. By creating an arena for employee input, you also provide them with some control over the outcome.

3. Provide incentives – Perhaps productivity has diminished as gossip, worry, and complaints have infiltrated your business. While you can’t remove employee’s economic concerns, you can motivate them to work harder. Try using incentives that address their concerns. A $100 gas card or a $50 restaurant voucher has an immediate and tangible value – more so than a Starbucks gift card or a promise of an extra day’s vacation.

4. Demonstrate you care – When employees believe they’re important to the company and recognized for their efforts and commitment, they feel secure and rewarded. Demonstrating you care may be as simple as paying attention to your staff and being positive and encouraging in your conversations with them.

Don’t Stall Out on the Business Highway

2008-07-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

In mid-June I heard a report on the radio regarding the American Automobile Association (AAA). They stated that the number of roadside calls AAA is getting, due to vehicles running out of gas while on the road, has more than doubled from this time last year. The not-so-surprising explanation? Skyrocketing fuel prices.

I’ve noticed the same thing in the business world. As the impact of the economy and our undetermined political future causes concern, I’m seeing the movers, shakers and decision makers becoming still or indecisive in their business practices. In times of economic strain and an uncertain future, fear seems to have a paralyzing effect. Rather than spending the money that must be spent, be it on fuel for our car, or services for our business, some people are hunkering down and doing nothing…hoping that somehow this storm will pass them by.

Unfortunately that strategy doesn’t work. It leaves those people stranded on the side of the road while others, who accept the reality, move forward. Jack Hinsche, Managing Partner of the accounting firm Windes & McClaughry explains, “Peoples’ perception of this economic ‘recession’ has lead to cost control and managing of the bottom-line.” However, these cost-cutting decisions are not always logical. Hinsche notes that his firm is feeling the effect. “Collections and follow-up have become necessary. A typically prompt payment is being stretched to 90 days and more.” Hinsche continues, “People are pushing to the inevitable.”

Kenneth Keller, President of Renaissance Executive Forums, sees a better choice: Make the decision to spend money even when times are tough. Keller consults and trains executives and business owners. He observes “I find the economy to be okay for people who know how to use it as an opportunity.” At his company, “We are choosing to grow, not shrink. I have made the decision not to participate in any economic slowdown.” Both Hinsche and Keller recognize marketing as a key part of their plan to keep business moving. Hinsche comments on the necessity of “investing in core values.” Beyond marketing, his firm is committed to keeping with its “people first” culture. This means budget cuts have not been made in the areas of training, coaching or professional development. This is a particularly noteworthy choice; when you recognize that people are essential to a business just as fuel is essential to a vehicle…without them you’ll have no movement.

Safety in the Workplace

In turbulent times, a first step in managing your staff and your business is to create a safety net. Employees are under just as much stress and strain as their bosses, but often with far less to fall back on when times are tough. This is not the time to evoke panic. Keller notes, “For those that rely on others to generate an income (employees of a company), it is a scary time.”

Cutting out ancillary services is appropriate when it’s necessary to stave off reductions in the workforce, but when done simply to maintain the same profit margin, consider the message it sends to staff. If you are transparent with this decision making, you’re effectively telling your staff that they matter less than the level of profit for the business. This is a risky maneuver at best. If you do not tell them, the situation is liable to be even worse. Staff may assume this is a “last resort” and concern themselves with the possibility of layoffs or cutbacks. The snowballing effect as staff becomes concerned with job loss or salary cuts includes a drop in teamwork, lowered morale and reduced productivity; all of which undermine the intended goal of insulating profits and maintaining the status quo.

In building a safety net, it’s essential to communicate with your entire staff about the status of the company during these challenging economic times. Tell them what the impact has been on the bottom line, explain the company’s immediate and long term plans, and make clear the reasons for those plans. Perhaps the company can retain the full workforce without change as long as sales don’t drop beneath a particular threshold. Or, maybe you know which departments are likely to experience layoffs first, and which ones last. In explaining the situation, keep a positive outlook, but be honest and realistic. Keeping your staff informed empowers them to help, and allows them to be a part of the solution.

Profits now vs. Profits later

It is anticipated that during tough times profits will go down, but trying to stave off any decrease of profitability is likely to come with other significant costs. The importance then is having a vision and looking toward the future. Know that how you handle it now, will determine what comes next. Where do you want your company to be when the tough times are past? Trying to play catch up with what you’ve neglected or being poised and ready to move as opportunity strikes? Making the tough decisions, and the right ones at this time, is critical.

In evaluating your business expenses, two questions to explore are:

What do I need to spend money on?
How does it benefit me (my organization)?

While many will turn to “discretionary” spending as the first place to make cuts, it may be necessary to re-evaluate what is truly discretionary. Services to grow or maintain the business – via employee development or marketing - may be of greater significance than originally thought. Cutting costs in these areas will most likely cause business to slow further, and staff to feel more at risk.

Making the Cuts

Unfortunately, it’s easy to make cuts when tangible benefits are difficult to measure. Examine company spending patterns and any available metrics or data that offer evidence as to the value of each expense that you are looking to cut. As you perform the cost-benefit analysis, keep your vision broad. Reducing some expenditures will have minimal impact on productivity and morale, while others may have an unknown result or undesired consequence and should be done as a last resort only. “Marketing and employees are typically an area people make the cut first.” warns Hinsche who sees this as a mistake. He recommends instead that businesses “reduce expenses in occupancy costs including travel and administrative expenses.” A flexible work schedule or telecommuting are options to consider that fall within this plan – staff benefit from reduced travel costs, the business from reduced overhead.

In selecting the best plan for your company, be creative. Brainstorm with colleagues, consider several alternatives, and perhaps, if it’s in the budget, consult with a business advisor for an outside perspective of the situation. Remember even short term decisions have a long-term impact.

Outshine the Competition

While it may be tricky determining the right path for your business, consider the rewards. A forward-thinking attitude will lead others to you from the outside. You stand to outshine your competition who sits idly by, and position yourself to grow as you capture their talent and their customers.

Making thoughtful decisions and planned actions in this turbulent time has profound benefits. In accepting and managing the challenges before you and communicating them with your staff, you demonstrate leadership and vision. You stabilize your staff, retain your top talent, strengthen productivity and keep teamwork high.

Yes, the road ahead is rough – but by keeping business and employee services full, like your car’s gas tank, you will get where you need to go.

The Time to Act - Is Now!

2008-06-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

In times of uncertainty many of us put off making decisions and spending money while waiting for a sign of what’s next. In business this generally translates into holding back on the seemingly non-essential business elements of training and development. Given our current economic and political state, this behavior has become increasingly prevalent and somewhat understandable...but is it wise? I’m going to suggest that it's not wise. Instead, I believe now is the time to act, and here’s why:

Staff feel safe – As the media announces more lay-offs and increasing unemployment, your staff are likely to be concerned about their paycheck and their job. By maintaining the company plan for training, development, coaching, etc. you silently reassure your staff that their jobs are safe.

Staff feel rewarded – Investing in your staff not only reassures them that they have value to the company, but also provides them with new skills that enhance their own worth.

Clients see you as successful – We may root for the underdog…but we do business with the champ. The messages you send when making smart choices to strengthen and enhance your business and workforce is that you are the champ. Make that statement and others will flock to you.

You outshine your competition – Bold decisions that help grow or enhance your business, will make you instantly look stronger and more capable than those who do not. This competitive advantage extends as you capture clients and talent from the outside, while retaining your own.

Email Contributes To Conflict – What to Do?

2008-04-25T15:22:00.000-07:00

Say it clearly – Just this week a colleague and I exchanged emails about an event that we were both to attend. After confirming my plan to attend she checked with me, “Do you have the address of where the meeting is tomorrow?” I replied “Yes”. Unfortunately I later learned that she did not have the address, and in fact missed the meeting. Saying it clearly, or in this case asking it clearly, would have easily resolved this issue.
Don’t make assumptions – It’s easy to jump to the wrong conclusions when you don’t have the benefit of visual or auditory information. While email is convenient, it limits our ability to “read” a situation. Keep in mind that writing in all caps doesn’t necessarily indicate yelling, and that a delayed reply might be caused by a technological issue, not rudeness.
Consider the situation – Was that curt reply you received sent via Blackberry? Was the sender of that muddled note out of town or responding at an odd hour? In our world of instant gratification we’ve become accustomed to giving and getting information almost immediately. The problem is that at times this leads to a hasty reply, an incomplete thought, or worse. Consider the situation before you react, and clarify any concerns or issues right away.
Tell them how you feel – Forwards, chain letters, and other email nuisances are often sent by those we love most. I’ve found that those who are new to email or who use it strictly for social purposes are the biggest offenders. Simply let these persons know that while you appreciate the sentiment, you don’t have the time (or inclination) to read such emails, and that you’d like them to limit their correspondence in kind.
Find another way – Email is quick, but it creates barriers to our communication. It removes information that we need (tone of voice, information on the other persons environment), and replaces it with flat dialogue that is both cryptic and permanent. It’s like taking a 3-dimensional object and changing it to a 2-dimensional one, and expecting the same product. Whenever possible, address issues, clarify misunderstandings, and handle pertinent or time-sensitive information by phone or in-person. While it may seem more time-consuming to exchange information in this manner, it saves time and energy by greatly reduces the likelihood of any issues or problems developing.

A new forum of Business Mediation

2008-04-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

There are two types of business mediators, those who work to end the lawsuit, and those who work to prevent it.

Most businesses think of mediation as an adjunct to their legal services – and it certainly can be. Mediation can quickly and confidentially resolve pending litigation from claims of harassment, discrimination, wrongful termination, etc. In this capacity I myself have negotiated agreements that saved businesses hundreds of thousands of dollars in lawsuits and attorney’s fees. And while this area of mediation is valuable and important, it is just the tip of the mediation iceberg.

Mediation can also prevent the expensive lawsuit. When used as a routine part of a company’s strategy for handling issues between partners, executives, and general employees, problems are addressed in the early stages, when they can still be peaceably resolved. Likewise, this forum of mediation helps businesses retain their best workers, improve teamwork and morale, and increase productivity. And, if an issue is not resolved, evidence of attempting mediation all but eliminates the threat of a wrongful termination lawsuit.

Businesses are often surprised by the speed of the result. Why does it work so well when in-house remedies and efforts do not? In part, the answer is in the question. Mediation makes use of an outside and impartial person. Further, the process is confidential. Together these build a high degree of trust in both the process and the helper, and with trust comes honesty – the key to working out any issue. Likewise, a business that addresses issues in this manner demonstrates to those involved that their concerns have value. When people feel heard, they are more willing to resolve their issues. Putting it together, when people are honest and willing to resolve their issues, a lot gets done quickly.

2008-03-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

All too often I hear the same story... It starts with the comment "I wish I knew you earlier". The story continues with an unfortunate tale of woe arising from an employment or business situation in which a dispute, conflict, or even simple misunderstanding escalated into a lost job, a dissolved partnership, and/or a costly legal battle. Inevitably their story is filled with regret or resentment that things were not handled differently. As a mediator specializing in employee relations, partnership issues, and business disputes, I can only agree... "I wish you knew me earlier too."

The truth of the matter is, sometimes timing isn't the problem....fear is. Mediation is something foreign to most people who wrongly confuse it with either litigation or arbitration. Some have even worked with a mediator who did not perform as a true neutral, or who pushed for an agreement when the parties weren't ready or in full agreement. Still others fear that they will be forced into a compromise they don't wish to make. So they sue, they quit, they suffer.

As a mediator this saddens and frustrates me. I know the value of helping people to hear each other, and to understand each other. I know that the fear they may be feeling will be quelled within minutes of the process beginning. And I know that the process makes it easier to communicate and resolve differences....making it possible to truly arrive at a win-win ending.

My hope is that this blog helps to chip away at the resistance, and that more people talk about mediation as an exceptional service and vehicle for conflict resolution.