Around the holidays we are often confronted with the same difficulties
we have experienced year after year.
Family pressures, repeat arguments, logistical challenges, etc. While we can’t always change the cyclical
pattern, we do have control over the choices we make within those situations, and
therefore have the ability to control our experience of those otherwise complicated
and uncomfortable moments.
The holidays are meant to be joyous - for everyone. If you aren’t finding the holidays bring you
that experience, look more closely at the choices you are making that allow
them to be less than pleasant.
1. Examine Your Situation – Be aware of what
creates an unpleasant holiday season for you.
What happens in connection with the holidays that you don’t like? What situations, conversations, etc. do you expect
to encounter that are distressing?
2. Make Decisions – With a clear head, and before
any plans are firm, decide what you want. If your spouse and parents don’t get along,
consider staying in a hotel to minimize tensions. If splitting time between
several relatives is exhausting, decide if they can come to you, join together,
or take turns (every other year), to keep things simpler. If you hate being around family arguments,
decide what steps you want to take if an argument erupts. This step is about making decisions for
YOU. Since doing what you’ve always
done, will lead you where you’ve already been, make decisions on how you will
make this year different for yourself.
3. Take Responsibility – Once you’ve looked at your
options and made decisions, take responsibility for those choices, informing
others as necessary. Simply state the
facts of your decision without inviting other’s opinions or feeling compelled to
explain your own rationale. If you opted
not to make changes, find peace with
that decision as well by acknowledging your good reasons for leaving things as
they are, and focusing on the positive things you do get out of your situation.
4. Focus on the Positive – You could choose to
focus on the negative, and leave yourself feeling unenthusiastic or
depressed. Or you could bring your
optimistic self and make your experience a pleasant one. Notice the smiles of a child opening a
present, feel the joy of your parent’s delight at being surrounded by the whole
family, savor the familiar foods or sights you get to enjoy just at this time
of year. By making a choice to find the
positive and the enjoyment, you will reap what you sow.
Wishing you a very happy holiday season!
