My expertise as a mediator and conflict resolution
professional is buttressed by my background as a counselor, my insights about therapy, and my knowledge of people and
their "blind-spots". Read on to to determine if you're getting what you need out of therapy.
For some, when you've been in therapy for a while, you
wonder if you're really getting the help you need. Ask yourself, have you:
- Been going for months but are unsure if you’ve made any progress?
- Arrived at each session wondering what you are going to talk about?
- Lost track of the goals you are targeting?
If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions,
you’re probably not getting what you need out of therapy, and this article is
for you.
What to Expect From Therapy
Therapy is Meant to Provide Change
Often people engaged in therapy find their sessions have
become a way to vent their troubles and their frustrations. And, many counselors are willing to let their
client meander through therapy in this manner rather than focusing on the reasons
their client is seeking help. To get
focused, ask yourself, why am I going to therapy? What do I need help with? It can be as simple as saying "I'm unhappy”,
but then the spotlight of your therapy needs to be recapturing what makes you
“happy". An hour of complaining may
make you feel better temporarily, but commiserating with a friend will often provide
that same relief. Therapy is intended to
have a deeper and more profound impact by identifying the reasons you are stuck
in an unhappy place.
Therapy is More Than an Hour a Week
Most people who meet with their therapist for one hour a
week think that they are working on themselves. In reality, they are kidding
themselves. The truth of the matter is
that the hour in session is just the starting point of your therapy. The work of the patient is full-time. When you are not in session, you need to
focus on your issues, problems, and goals.
Think about what was discussed during the session, and further explore
your own issues.
Therapy is Relatively Fast
While each of us has unique problems, and while there is no
time-line for getting those problems worked out, the results of therapy should
begin to reveal themselves fairly quickly. In my opinion, most patients should
see some level of results within their first 5 sessions. Result does not mean improvement - it means
you feel change is underway. Your
therapist is helping reveal you to yourself (see below), and as a result
changing the way you think, and the way you see the world.
Therapy Helps to Reveal Things that are Hidden
There are the things we know, the things we don't know, and the
things we don't know that we don't know. That last group would best be referred
to as "blind-spots" and we all have them. These blind-spots are the crux of most
therapy, as a therapist's role is to guide you and help you to learn about
yourself, by uncovering these unknowns.
As you do, change comes easy.
What to Expect from Your Therapist
Challenges to Your Thinking and Your Viewpoint
We all think we are normal and believe that the rest of the
world views things the same way as we do. Unfortunately, our perspective is
skewed by our own individual life experiences. This returns to the concept of
"blind-spots". A counselor's
role is to discuss both what you think, and why you think it. By examining the distortions within our own
reality, we are impacted in the way we view the world and therefore the way
that we live.
Being Pushed
Your therapist is not there to be your friend. She must do
more than listen and nod her head. If
you aren't talking about important topics, she should push you to do so.
Ultimately, your therapist's role is to help you see yourself more clearly. Does your view of yourself (or the world)
match others? Do you see things in a
distorted way? A therapist needs to do
more than listen. She needs to challenge
you to examine your own thought processes.
Homework
As I mentioned before, therapy does not end at the end of
your session time. Whether it is
described as "homework" or not, you should always leave therapy with
new things to explore, new things to think about. A therapist might ask you a question during
your session that you can’t answer.
Something as simple as "Why do you think that way about
...?" If you don’t know, finding
out is your homework. As soon as you leave the session, before you even drive
back to the office or your home, write down that question. Make it a point to think about that question
until you have an answer. I recommend
doing this "homework" alone -don't cheat by asking others for the
answer to your question. Start your next
session by discussing this self-revelation with your therapist.
Choosing the Right Therapist (or improving therapy with the one you have now)
Selecting a Therapist
Like choosing a professional in any arena -you should ask
some basic questions to get a feel for the person, and to decide if you want to
give them a shot. Remember, the ultimate test is how you feel when you begin
working with them. It's perfectly
acceptable to have one or two sessions with a therapist before you fully commit
to working with him. However, you do
need to begin your work during those initial sessions - if you don't then you
can't judge the ability of that therapist to help you. Remember, you're looking for someone you can
trust and who shows insight into your world, you are not looking for your new
best friend.
Getting Back on Track with Your Current Therapist
Most of us don't like to start over, and often times there
are ways to improve the relationship with your current therapist. For starters, you’ll need to speak with her
about your desire to make real change.
Then clearly and honestly communicate with her about what you want, and
perhaps the changes you'd like her to make.
If you want her to be more direct with you, say so. If you need to be pushed to open up, tell
her. Most therapists will happily make
such style changes - after all your success is their success.
