Why do we let it go so far? How to have a “little conversation” that may improve your life.

I spent the majority of my career in corporate law. Accordingly, most of my experience (both professionally and personally) is with lawyers.  Interestingly, the majority of “big firm” lawyers that I know are desperately unhappy in their careers.

Like the US, the legal profession in Australia is highly respected and coveted, bearing a strong barrier to entry.   So why, once we’ve finally breached the walls of the bar and practiced for some time, are we often so miserable?  Note: this question relates to anyone in any career. 

  

I was also guilty of said unhappiness… in fact, after having started a career in mediation and conflict resolution consulting, I often refer to myself as a “reformed lawyer.”

This led me to ponder the reasons why I, countless other professionals (and perhaps, even you in your own career) persist with vocations that bring us little joy, and what we might do about it.  After all, we change the channel when we don’t like a TV show, we leave a partner when the relationship is no longer good for us and we move house when we feel that a neighborhood is no longer safe or desirable. So why then don’t we leave a job (or career) from which we gain little enjoyment or fulfillment?  

Of course, it is likely to be connected with financial concerns and issues including family, sense of self, stability, fear of the unknown, fear of failure. However, given that we spend more time in the office than we do at home, often seeing our colleagues more than we see our own family and friends, surely, the incentive to change jobs must weigh against that.  

Apparently not.

Instead, many of us remain disengaged.  We choose to “punch in” at work, day after day, making it a pastime to complain about our jobs, colleagues and how we are not living up to our potential (or perhaps how others, or the powers-that-be, prevent us from doing so). 

If you feel like this in your career, look for the “little conversations” or “small changes” that could bring a ray of light into what feels like an otherwise dark tunnel.

A former colleague experienced just that.  She shared that she had become increasingly disengaged in her role at work but continued to stay largely because of the pay and her hard-won reputation with colleagues and clients.  She acknowledged that her despondent attitude towards work had bled into her personal relationships as well as her energy for life.  She was starting to experience bouts of depression, weight gain and other difficulties – all stemming from her unhappiness at work. Even with this awareness, she chose not to do anything about it.

We talked about her decision to stay, and I asked her what, in an ideal world, she would love to do for work. Her eyes sparkled as she started to rapidly bounce around different ideas and thoughts on project management and changing the way in which things were done at her current organization. It seems she had never entertained the idea of finding her passion within her current job.  

This conversation became the necessary catalyst for change.  Soon after, my colleague reached out to share that she had found multiple opportunities to contribute and showcase her ideas, one of which was within her own organization! She was brimming with renewed energy.  

The key takeout is, even if we feel we can’t leave our job, we may be able to find a small (but significant) ray of light that makes our current role more palatable. 

Spend ten minutes considering what you enjoy and what makes you happy.  Examine how and where this joy could intersect with your role at work.  See if there is a “little conversation” that you could have with a work colleague, superior or HR that would allow you to incorporate a little of this happiness in your day-to-day life. Whether it is joining a new committee, attending a conference or learning a new language… any positive change (no matter how small) is movement in the right direction.  

Remember, to emphasize that this seemingly “small change” is likely to have a big impact on your professional life and outlook… potentially, making you more productive, dedicated and energized in your role.

Are You A Decision Maker?

Gary and Jason (not their real names) have been business partners for over a decade. But while their joint practice is blooming, their partnership is in trouble. Why? Decision making, essential to the forward momentum of their business, has been stalled.

The impetus for this struggle is Jason’s assistant Damian, who is also his brother-in-law.  Damian is not able to keep pace with the growing demands of the job, and overflow work has fallen on the shoulders of Gary’s assistant, Brenda.  The result: frustration, resentment, and a bottle-necking of work.  Making matters worse, while Gary addressed his concerns with Jason, Jason held off taking any clear actions.  Now, communication between the two has become stilted, and both recognize the practice is beginning to suffer.  To date they have lost one large business prospect, and are at risk of losing two current clients.  Further complicating the situation, Brenda has become irritable and Gary is concerned she may quit. Gary and Jason are considering the need to divide the business, each taking a portion of the clients with him.  At the recommendation of their accountant, the two agreed to meet with a facilitator to discuss their options.

When I met with Gary and Jason, each expressed concerns about the health of their business and their partnership.  Both also acknowledged struggles on the customer service end.  However their solutions to these issues were not well-aligned.  Jason expressed a committed to staying together and hiring more staff.  Gary was set on separating their practice and ending their partnership. 

Through the facilitative process, Gary was asked to clarify his reasons for wanting to dissolve their business. As he expressed his concerns about Jason’s management (and lack thereof) of staff, Jason brushed it off. When Jason was asked to explain his position and his efforts to manage staff – he became defensive and resistant.

Jason’s failure to take action, or even explain his reasons for not doing so, had become the primary source of the contention between he and Gary. Yet he continued to point to other issues. What Jason struggled to realize: His brother-in-law was no longer the problem, his refusal to take action was.

I worked with Jason and Gary to identify the initiating event (Damian’s inefficiency) and the progressive costs resulting from Jason’s reluctance to address the issue head-on.

The cost of this indecision:
- Work suffered (with internal and external impacts)
- Decreased ability to earn money
- Anxiety and loss of sleep
- Damaged relationships (professionally and personally)

As the discussion continued, it became clear these costs were not incurred by Jason or Gary alone. Other employees were impacted. Clients were impacted. Their families were impacted.

I asked Jason, “Did you knowingly sacrifice all that (the costs previously outlined), to protect Damian from potential job loss or hurt feelings?” It seemed ridiculous, in this light, that Jason had actually done just that. Through the facilitative process Jason took ownership for the situation that had come to pass. And, he and Gary became realigned as they planned the steps toward stabilizing their practice.

Jason, like many people, had become paralyzed with fear. To avoid dealing with a difficult issue, he lived only in the moment – and the moment never felt right for giving feedback or terminating a family member.

The lesson is this: Indecision and stagnancy, regardless of the reasons behind them, will lead to more problems. Some far greater than the initiating circumstances. With this in mind, I encourage you to examine your own life – What decisions are you putting off? What is the price you are paying for that indecision? What help do you need to begin the forward momentum that will bring you success?