Step One: Stop Checking Your Email

I mentioned to a colleague my desire to have a day of work – when everything else in the world is on hold – so that I could feel caught up.  He laughed and expressed a shared interest in that “extra” time.  Why, I wondered, if everyone I know is feeling over-extended – do none of us seem to have a handle on what’s causing it?

Here’s my two cents…This feeling exists because we never stop working.  We leave the office, but take our smart phone. 

 

We check messages, respond, and review late into the evening and first thing in the morning.  And yet we feel ourselves fall farther and farther behind.  Why?  This constant effort actually compromises us - both personally and professionally.  By checking email we:

1.    Reduce our ability to have downtime.  To refresh, refocus, renew.  A rested brain is more creative, resilient, and productive.  By doing less, we actually accomplish more.

2.    Forget to respond.  Reading an email while in line at the grocery store does not allow you the time (or focus) to answer a question, consult a colleague, or check your calendar.  The result?  You postpone it, and like many of us, neglect to review those older “read” emails on your next day at the office.  Your attempts at efficiency have now delayed a response or cause it to be forgotten altogether.

3.    Fracture our relationships.  By taking “just a minute” to check our messages we demonstrate a lack of respect and lack of care for those around us.  Their level of priority is literally and figuratively lowered.  This is as true when we go to lunch with a colleague as it is when we are with a child.  Does anyone remember the song “Cats in the Cradle”?  Rather than apologizing for our busy-ness, let’s try to stay in the moment – especially with friends and loved ones.

4.    Affect our mood.  When a Sunday afternoon is interrupted by worry about a client’s email or the ‘need’ to respond to a colleagues questions, it impacts our ability to be in the moment.  Instead of enjoying a spiritual connection, the sounds of nature, or the view in front of us, we are distracted by work.  Our mood is compromised by the interruption, consequently impacting those around us.

5.    Miss opportunities.  Whether it’s the “fly ball” that brought home the winning run or your child’s first time making it all the way across the monkey bars, by looking down at your phone, or being otherwise distracted by work, you pay the price of losing these precious moments that cannot be recaptured.  Have you ever wondered what else you are missing?   

6.    Make excuses for other internet distractions.  Email is our gateway drug – once we are done checking those messages, we are given to checking for others on social media, or using the internet to quickly buy or research something.  All of this extending our time online, making us feel at work.  Last year’s viral video “Look Up” put emphasis on the costs of this behavior. 

7.    Increase our health risks.  Beyond the impact of blue light on our vision, computer and cell phone usage is responsible for a variety of other medical issues including stress, depression, headaches, and sleep disruption.

So here’s step one:  We need to stop checking our email when we are not on “work” hours.  Whether that means going cold-turkey or beginning a gradual shift, it is a step in the right direction.  And we may all reap the benefits. 

Three Steps to Diffusing Tension

How do you move from argument into productive discussion?
You’ve been there – going through your day, keeping to yourself, when suddenly someone begins to push your buttons, argue, accuse or blame.  Perhaps it’s simply their tone or body language that gives rise to this tension.  But the result is the same, you’re being baited to argue back or defend yourself.

What can you do? 

First – Slow Down.   Most people are surprised to find themselves in an argument – and react accordingly by sparring back.   This includes the instigator.  S/he may be irritable and behaving inappropriately and yet unaware of how others are experiencing his/her behavior.  Matching that unpleasant demeanor will only escalate matters causing greater conflict and tension.
 

Second – Gain Perspective.  Whether on the spot or over the course of a few hours, try to consider where the other person is coming from.  What is impacting them?  Are they going through something (personally or otherwise) that’s causing inflated stress?  Be sure to explore your own flaws, responsibilities, or role in the situation.

Third – Ask a Question.  Rather than engaging in the battle that you believe is being waged, try to disarm the other person with an associated question.  Keeping your own tone even, seek to find out if they are under extreme stress, if you have caused them difficulty, or simply if they want to talk about what is upsetting them.  When your own tone is concerned and engaging, rather than provocative, you help them to identify the problem or to recognize their own behavior.                    

At this point, most would-be arguments have moved to a more honest and productive place.  Your next step will depend on the content of the discussion that ensued.   Perhaps you will offer to help, offer the change, or simply to give the other person space, time, or a needed hug.