OFF-BOARDING

Because You Only Get One Chance to Fire An Employee, You Better Do It Right.

“I’ve had it.  I’m going to fire her.” said Ernie as I answered the phone.  He was fed up with Barbara, his COO, who had been with him from the early days of his business’ inception.

I knew Barbara and Ernie well.  I’d worked with them separately and together as they worked to build Ernie’s business.  Ernie, your quintessential leader, was free-spirited and visionary.  He had a passion and exuberance that inspired his employees, and transitioned prospects into customers.  Barbara brought balance to the equation.  Practical and level-headed Barbara had been instrumental in creating templates and processes.  She understood Ernie’s vision, but stayed focused in the reality of what needed to happen to bring those ideas into fruition.   

Ernie had valued Barbara’s grounded nature and global perspective in the early days.  Her dedication to process and function, freed him to pursue the company’s vision.  But now, as the business had stabilized and grown, he felt inhibited by her involvement.  Ernie recounted to me several instances in which Barbara’s actions had restricted growth or interfered with his authority.  “I need to take back control of my company.” Ernie said, “And she has to go.” 

  

Ernie said he called me for guidance on how to go about this.  He wasn’t concerned about litigation, he told me.  He planned to compensate Barbara well for what she’d helped him to accomplish.  But, he didn’t want to create a permanent chasm to their relationship.  He’d been through that before with another termination and it still haunted him. 

I asked Ernie to share what he had planned to say.  He broke into a mini-speech, role playing his intended conversation with Barbara.  He included details of why Barbara was no longer a good fit, how she would be compensated, and reminders of how they had not seen eye to eye on several issues.  After he was done, Ernie shared with me that he wants it to go smoothly as he may need her on a consultancy level in the future. 

“I’m glad you called.” I tell Ernie, “I don’t think that conversation would have gone smoothly.”

A critical point in terminating an employee is to remember that this final interaction will be a memorable and lasting one.  It will overshadow most other interactions, and will largely determine the employee's attitude about you, and your organization, going forward.  "Off-boarding" therefore, must be respectful, thoughtful, and honest.  

Here are some key points:

1.    Be Gentle – But Get To The Point  Terminations are typically uncomfortable for everyone involved, don’t make it worse by engaging in small talk.  This wrongly suggests that everything is fine just before the axe is dropped.  Instead, give a brief warning statement that you “have difficult news to share”.  Then succinctly state that they are being let go.

2.    Allow Them To Ask “Why?”  Give space for the employee to ask this and other questions (now, and in the stages that follow).  Allow them the opportunity to feel heard.  The process of terminating an employee is just that, a process.  One worthy of a two-sided conversation. 

3.    Explain Without Blame  Share with the terminating employee the reasons things no longer work.  Keep your focus on the actions/behaviors you had hoped to see, but which were not (sufficiently) occurring.  Describing the absence of desired behaviors allows you to explain without blame.  This helps mitigate defensiveness and denial, while also acting as a teaching moment for the departing employee.

4.    Remind Them Of Their Value  Yes!  After describing where they fell short, tell them where they had excelled or where you believe they will excel in their next job.  For some employees this may be a harder stretch, but it helps support their ego, and facilitates their ability to focus their energy toward their next job.

5.    Note Your Appreciation  Most employees have contributed to your organization – acknowledge this and thank them for it.

6.    Go Over Logistics  The above five steps are all intended to be somewhat open and conversational.  Now you can (safely) transition into the logistics of the separation of employment.  It is in this stage that you may begin to engage them in comments relative to the “exit interview”. 

7.    Say Your Goodbyes  End the conversation by thanking them.  It may be for their years of service, for their open sharing during this process of separation, or for other reasons.  If you have a personal friendship with the person you are terminating, this is where you might reconnect with them on that level, speaking to how your (personal) connection will continue.

Other little, but very important considerations are to use a kind voice and to keep your demeanor professional but friendly.  You only get once chance to fire an employee, do it right.

The Perfect Apology

Have you ever found the words “I’m sorry” fall short of accomplishing anything?   Sometimes they seem to hover ineptly above us.  Not only do they fail to penetrate the hurt of the other person, they leave us feeling foolish, confused, and frustrated.  Rather than repairing the damage, they increase the divide leaving us both feeling angry and misunderstood.  As the apologizer, we may even come to the conclusion that it isn’t worth the trouble.  And yet, without it, our relationships suffer. 

Here’s why it often goes wrong.  For the words “I’m sorry” to hold any true meaning, two fundamental things are required:  Head and Heart.  

 

HEAD

When we are hurt, especially by a loved one, we want them to know the reasons we feel hurt or injured.  Our desire to feel understood is profound, even if it is never verbalized.  That is why an apology that lacks clear understanding, whether it’s made out of pity or love, falls short of repairing the damage. 

To get it right:  Ask questions to learn, or clarify, why the other person is sad or hurt.  Seek to understand them and your apology - if sincere - will have true depth and meaning.

HEART

Being understood is important for any apology.  But so is the feeling that we matter.  We want the other person to feel a concern that we were hurt and a desire to make it better.  Without that, the words “I’m sorry” seem intended only to appease us, not to repair.  And they fail to do so. 

To get it right:  Genuinely show you care about the other person and their concerns.  Validate their feelings.  Acknowledge the reasons you are sorry and find out what they need (from you) to move on. 

When both our head and our heart feel satisfied, an apology feels sincere and is easy to accept.  We can move forward with renewed trust and a deeper more meaningful love and understanding of each other.  With head and heart, our apologies are accepted, and our relationships can be repaired.

Are You A Decision Maker?

Gary and Jason (not their real names) have been business partners for over a decade. But while their joint practice is blooming, their partnership is in trouble. Why? Decision making, essential to the forward momentum of their business, has been stalled.

The impetus for this struggle is Jason’s assistant Damian, who is also his brother-in-law.  Damian is not able to keep pace with the growing demands of the job, and overflow work has fallen on the shoulders of Gary’s assistant, Brenda.  The result: frustration, resentment, and a bottle-necking of work.  Making matters worse, while Gary addressed his concerns with Jason, Jason held off taking any clear actions.  Now, communication between the two has become stilted, and both recognize the practice is beginning to suffer.  To date they have lost one large business prospect, and are at risk of losing two current clients.  Further complicating the situation, Brenda has become irritable and Gary is concerned she may quit. Gary and Jason are considering the need to divide the business, each taking a portion of the clients with him.  At the recommendation of their accountant, the two agreed to meet with a facilitator to discuss their options.

When I met with Gary and Jason, each expressed concerns about the health of their business and their partnership.  Both also acknowledged struggles on the customer service end.  However their solutions to these issues were not well-aligned.  Jason expressed a committed to staying together and hiring more staff.  Gary was set on separating their practice and ending their partnership. 

Through the facilitative process, Gary was asked to clarify his reasons for wanting to dissolve their business. As he expressed his concerns about Jason’s management (and lack thereof) of staff, Jason brushed it off. When Jason was asked to explain his position and his efforts to manage staff – he became defensive and resistant.

Jason’s failure to take action, or even explain his reasons for not doing so, had become the primary source of the contention between he and Gary. Yet he continued to point to other issues. What Jason struggled to realize: His brother-in-law was no longer the problem, his refusal to take action was.

I worked with Jason and Gary to identify the initiating event (Damian’s inefficiency) and the progressive costs resulting from Jason’s reluctance to address the issue head-on.

The cost of this indecision:
- Work suffered (with internal and external impacts)
- Decreased ability to earn money
- Anxiety and loss of sleep
- Damaged relationships (professionally and personally)

As the discussion continued, it became clear these costs were not incurred by Jason or Gary alone. Other employees were impacted. Clients were impacted. Their families were impacted.

I asked Jason, “Did you knowingly sacrifice all that (the costs previously outlined), to protect Damian from potential job loss or hurt feelings?” It seemed ridiculous, in this light, that Jason had actually done just that. Through the facilitative process Jason took ownership for the situation that had come to pass. And, he and Gary became realigned as they planned the steps toward stabilizing their practice.

Jason, like many people, had become paralyzed with fear. To avoid dealing with a difficult issue, he lived only in the moment – and the moment never felt right for giving feedback or terminating a family member.

The lesson is this: Indecision and stagnancy, regardless of the reasons behind them, will lead to more problems. Some far greater than the initiating circumstances. With this in mind, I encourage you to examine your own life – What decisions are you putting off? What is the price you are paying for that indecision? What help do you need to begin the forward momentum that will bring you success?

Step One: Stop Checking Your Email

I mentioned to a colleague my desire to have a day of work – when everything else in the world is on hold – so that I could feel caught up.  He laughed and expressed a shared interest in that “extra” time.  Why, I wondered, if everyone I know is feeling over-extended – do none of us seem to have a handle on what’s causing it?

Here’s my two cents…This feeling exists because we never stop working.  We leave the office, but take our smart phone. 

 

We check messages, respond, and review late into the evening and first thing in the morning.  And yet we feel ourselves fall farther and farther behind.  Why?  This constant effort actually compromises us - both personally and professionally.  By checking email we:

1.    Reduce our ability to have downtime.  To refresh, refocus, renew.  A rested brain is more creative, resilient, and productive.  By doing less, we actually accomplish more.

2.    Forget to respond.  Reading an email while in line at the grocery store does not allow you the time (or focus) to answer a question, consult a colleague, or check your calendar.  The result?  You postpone it, and like many of us, neglect to review those older “read” emails on your next day at the office.  Your attempts at efficiency have now delayed a response or cause it to be forgotten altogether.

3.    Fracture our relationships.  By taking “just a minute” to check our messages we demonstrate a lack of respect and lack of care for those around us.  Their level of priority is literally and figuratively lowered.  This is as true when we go to lunch with a colleague as it is when we are with a child.  Does anyone remember the song “Cats in the Cradle”?  Rather than apologizing for our busy-ness, let’s try to stay in the moment – especially with friends and loved ones.

4.    Affect our mood.  When a Sunday afternoon is interrupted by worry about a client’s email or the ‘need’ to respond to a colleagues questions, it impacts our ability to be in the moment.  Instead of enjoying a spiritual connection, the sounds of nature, or the view in front of us, we are distracted by work.  Our mood is compromised by the interruption, consequently impacting those around us.

5.    Miss opportunities.  Whether it’s the “fly ball” that brought home the winning run or your child’s first time making it all the way across the monkey bars, by looking down at your phone, or being otherwise distracted by work, you pay the price of losing these precious moments that cannot be recaptured.  Have you ever wondered what else you are missing?   

6.    Make excuses for other internet distractions.  Email is our gateway drug – once we are done checking those messages, we are given to checking for others on social media, or using the internet to quickly buy or research something.  All of this extending our time online, making us feel at work.  Last year’s viral video “Look Up” put emphasis on the costs of this behavior. 

7.    Increase our health risks.  Beyond the impact of blue light on our vision, computer and cell phone usage is responsible for a variety of other medical issues including stress, depression, headaches, and sleep disruption.

So here’s step one:  We need to stop checking our email when we are not on “work” hours.  Whether that means going cold-turkey or beginning a gradual shift, it is a step in the right direction.  And we may all reap the benefits.