The Naked King

Brian was a proud leader.  He’d driven his organization forward with growth and innovation and developed a team of high performing individuals.  Yet as Brian exuberantly pushed toward greater investor returns and new opportunities, he simultaneously generated friction among his team.  Unbeknownst to Brian, the team felt restrained, held back, and at times disengaged.  Why didn’t Brian know?  Brian, was a naked King.

As in Hans Christian Andersen’s tale the Emperor’s New Clothes, Brian like many of today’s leaders, shares a common circumstance as the King and his minions in the well-known fable.  Employees, even at the executive level, are like the townspeople, withholding information and feedback.  Why does this happen?  

Leaders, like the rest of us, seek out positive and encouraging feedback, and resist negative or contradictory information.  Similarly, a leader’s style in managing difficult situations is likely to mirror the rest of society and venture toward conflict avoidance (seen as negating or ignoring an issue), or confrontation (seen as bullying or intimidating behaviors).  Further complicating the situation, the power and influence of a leader combined with these common character traits, become more pronounced and more challenging for others to overcome.  

But does our leader know s/he is naked?  Some, no doubt are aware.  These leaders hope to keep others in the dark.  They tend to be secretive and closed off, and their organizations are likely to have heavy turnover.  But most leaders, like Brian, are at best mildly aware.  They are friendly and open, get along well with others, and make an effort toward being available.  They take their ability to be engaging, friendly, and socialize with their staff as evidence that their leadership is strong and healthy.  The problem however, is that they do not invite feedback and criticism.  If it’s hard to give feedback to a friend, what happens when s/he is also your boss?  Forget about it.

So what can the naked King do?

Given that the risks are too high for clear feedback to come through internal efforts, Leaders who want to know what their team is thinking will need to consider getting outside help.  Through quasi-360° evaluations conducted by a consultant or coach, a leader can learn of the concerns which exist in the organization, and of his/her leadership style, while minimizing fear and resistance among the staff or executives who are providing the feedback.  But that’s only step 1.  Step 2 is to utilize that feedback and prove to your team that it was worth their effort, and risk, to provide it.  This will most likely entail executive coaching, as well as a degree of transparency regarding your knowledge or acceptance of the feedback and your efforts to remedy the situation.  Steps 3 through infinity will be to keep that conversation going.  Encouraging others to give feedback in real time – not after the King has walked naked through the town.

Reclaiming Control of Your Temper

Have you ever thought about your anger?  About what pushes your buttons, sets you off, or really frustrates you?  I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately.  And I’m not talking about the people, and behaviors, that are likely triggers.  They will always

be there.   Instead, I’m thinking more broadly and introspectively.  I’m looking at the choices I make which set the wheels in motion for me to be more easily agitated.  Here’s what I’ve noticed:

For me, stress is a precursor to anger. 

I am calmer on days when I’m engaged in one or two long tasks rather than a dozen short ones.  I’m more easily frustrated when I’m concerned about time.  And, unfortunately, I am especially compromised when those two situations overlap, which they often do.  The more things I attempt to accomplish in a day, the more rushed and time conscious I have to be.  All of these situations cause me to feel stressed, and ultimately leave me less tolerant of the behaviors of others.

Knowing these internal triggers is helpful, but knowing what I can do about them is even better.  Here are a few things I’m trying to do to manage my stress and reclaim control of my temper – and therefore my life.

1.      Consciously plan my day and week.  I’ve realized that being booked end to end with meetings and engagements – enjoyable or not – takes a toll on me.  Especially with having two young children who require a well of my energy at the end of the day.  As a result, I’ve been pairing down my activities and commitments and am trying to be conscious of my energy levels.

2.      Limiting use of my smart phone.  Do I need to check email every 20 minutes?  No.  Especially since if it’s actually an important/business email I most likely don’t have the time or resources necessary to respond if I’m out of the office.  Using it during off hours also presents a challenge.  I need to allow myself DOWN time.

3.      Taking a walk.  Being outside, in the fresh air always rejuvenates me and builds me up.  My mood is better and of course it’s good for my body too.

4.      Saying “No”.  No to joining committees, volunteering, or participating in activities that are not deeply important to me.  As a people pleaser this is difficult – but I keep perspective by remembering that I must consciously plan my time, and that my goal of being calm and peaceful is vitally important.

While managing stress levels may not be your solution to managing your temper, I hope it encourages you to look inward and determine what situations are precursors for your own.  Learning these things about yourself is an important step to mitigating conflicts, managing mood, and maintaining healthy relationships.