While it’s wonderful when your child goes back to school and
makes new friends, sometimes there is a negative side in it for you.
What if your child’s new BFF (best friend forever) is not
your favorite child to be around? How do
you set boundaries for your child, and their playmate, when there are obvious
differences in the parenting style each child is accustomed?
In handling issues that involve kids and families, the most
important thing you can do is be true to yourself, and the parenting style that
works best for your family. But realize
that your role as decision maker is also limited to your family. Below are some important reminders as you
navigate these parenting challenges.
1.
Watch your tone – When you need to redirect a
child that is not yours, or ask them to follow your rules, do so with a level
of tenderness in your voice. This child
is not misbehaving to spite you; he or she may simply have different rules (or
no rules) and needs to learn what you expect.
2.
Respect the other parents – Do not speak
negatively about the caregivers of this child in front of him/her, or in front
of your own child. Even if you are
stating factual information, like their frequent absence from their son or
daughter’s life, it is hurtful. Imposing
any judgment about the other parents is damaging to the friend, and sets a poor
example to your child on the importance of accepting differences in others.
3.
Demonstrate Understanding – Begin the
conversation by acknowledging that your rules may be uncomfortable for the
other child. Perhaps by comparison, you
are strict or seem unfair. By showing
you accept this child’s reality you will gain ground in getting him/her to
accept yours.
4.
Set Boundaries – Be clear and concise with the
rules this child must follow. Include
your own child in the discussion so that it does not feel punitive, but
collaborative. For example, “In our
house, we don’t eat sweets or snacks before dinner. We have a rule that dessert is earned if you
eat most of your dinner.”
5.
Instill Consequences – If there are certain
behaviors that are unacceptable to you, let the other child (and yours) know
what the consequence will be if they engage in this behavior. Perhaps the other child must go straight
home, or you will cancel their planned sleep-over. You can prevent many problem behaviors by making
the consequences clear beforehand.
6.
Be Consistent – Make sure that the rules you set
are consistent with the rules for your child (wherever possible), and are
likewise consistent for all their playmates.
These guidelines will help to keep playtime a positive
experience for everyone, even you.
